Reed
The first place I go,after my life is unequivocally rocked, is to Ma’s. I can’t make a decision like this without her and Emery’s input. I wish I could say the decision is an easy one. It’d probably make me a better man if I did. The kind of man who wouldn’t have to even think about making this decision. A man who would selflessly take in his deceased sister’s child, even though he’s never met him.
The same sister he’s estranged from and would probably be the very last person she’d want to take care of her child. How could she? She didn’t know me. Meeting someone at a coffee shop twice isn’t enough time to build a relationship. To gauge the kind of man I am, or the man that I was back then.
All that aside, I don’t know what the hell to do with a kid. I mean sure, yeah, I take the girls to the park sometimes and put them to bed for Liam. But being Uncle Reed is a lot different than having a child as your full-time responsibility. Being a parent means you and you alone are responsible for whether or not your child becomes a decent human being, and if that isn’t the most overwhelming pressure in the fucking world, I don’t know what is.
That’s why I’ve spent the past three hours going over every possible scenario in my head. I’m not the kinda guy to make a rash decision and knowing that a child’s life hangs in the balance… honestly, it’s fucking with my head.
What if I do it wrong? What if I am the worst parent ever… like my dad? What if I become the very thing I hate most about who he was? Someone who ran at the first sign of trouble. Who wasn’t ready to commit to being a parent.
It’s not like it’s a dog and I can return it to whatever shelter I adopted it from.
It’s a child. A living, breathing child who would depend on me to survive. To grow into being a man by learning all the things my mother taught me.
This is going to change the rest of my life.
Two choices: Yes or no.
Either one will determine the trajectory of my future. And his.
“I know this isn’t easy for you, honey. But, if it’s any consolation, I think you’d be amazing at it... being his guardian.” Ma looks at me and gives me a small smile. I’m sitting between her and Emery on a couch that sags with the weight of all three of us.
That’s the thing about my ma. Never mind that I’m a professional hockey player with a multi-million-dollar contract and could replace this entire house and then some for her. She says this old, worn-out couch is one where memories were made. Right along with the rest of her small cottage-style house that my childhood was spent in. Growing up, we didn’t have much. Not after Robert left.
Sure, he paid Ma child support and that helped, but raising two kids, paying a mortgage, bills, a car note… it was a lot for her. Not to mention the fact that I always needed new gear, and Emery was in dance and cheer and fifty other extra-curriculars. It didn’t matter; Ma, somehow, found a way and she never let us know that she struggled. Not till we were older.
Now, looking back, I realize that there were worry lines in the corners of her eyes as she shelled out money for things that she really couldn’t afford. All for us. I want to give her the world because she sacrificed selflessly for us.
“Ma, I don’t know anything about kids. How can I be responsible for one? I don’t know the first thing about them. What about hockey? I mean shit, I live in a house that doesn’t have a lick of childproofing. He’s barely three, kids his age need childproofing, right?”
Emery laughs, elbowing my side. “You’re basically a kid yourself, Reed, how are you going to raise one?”
“Thanks, Em. I feel even better now.”
“Oh hush, Emery,” Ma chides, “Reed, I know what you’re afraid of. And I want you to get it out of your head.”
“Impossible.”
“Itispossible. You are nothing like him.” She takes my hand in hers and brings her other hand to my cheek. “You are a good man. I know because I raised you that way. Not only do you have the biggest heart of anyone I know, you are kind, compassionate, selfless.”
“Mom, stop before he gets an even bigger ego.” Em groans.
I chuckle.
Leave it to Emery to make me laugh in a situation like this. Although, being surrounded by Ma and her, it makes me feel less… I don’t know, alone while having to decide something of this magnitude. While Emery and I didn’t have a father growing up, we had Ma, who was the strongest, most hardworking woman I’ve ever known.
“I just don’t want you to let him have any bearing on your decision, regardless of the past. Look, honey, I forgave your father a long time ago.”
I go to speak, but she holds up her hand, stopping me. “I’m not asking you to do the same. Reed, I carried so much anger, hate and pain inside my heart that it was hurting me. Not him, butme. I had to learn how to let go and how to move forward or I would never get rid of those feelings I was harboring. I finally realized that while he may have left, he’s the one that lost out. He missed seeing you both grow into the amazing adults you are now.”
Shit, is someone cutting an onion in here?
“Make the decision from your heart, Reed. Don’t let your feelings toward your father impact this one. He doesn’t deserve to have any place in it. And no matter what you choose… I will be here to support you.”
After I leave Ma and Emery, I head straight for Liam’s house. If anyone has good advice, it’s Liam. He’s been my best friend since we were both drafted, and he’s been by my side through everything important in my life, and I’ve done the same for him.
I pull my truck into his driveway and put it in park, then hop out and walk up to the house. Before I’m even to the front door, it swings open and my girls are running down the driveway in princess tiaras, frilly pink nightgowns and their signature Olaf slippers.