“Always been me, what?” she asked softly.
I moved my thumb lower so I could rub it over her quivering bottom lip. “I’ve never been able to truly be myself with anyone but you.”
She swallowed hard, but her expression let me know she didn’t believe me. “I bet you tell all the girls that.”
“I’ve never told a girl that,” I swore vehemently, and it was the truth. I didn’t need to wax poetic or be anyone other than the proverbial playboy I’ve always been around women. They knew what I had to offer and took it with no qualms. I didn’t have to pull out seduction attempts or do the normal things guys had to do when courting a woman. My reputation preceded me, and women loved to try to be the one to reel me in, even though they always failed.
“Why are you even here?” she asked.
“Because I couldn’t leave things the way we left them before. For ten years, I’ve regretted doing so. I don’t want to wait another decade to tell you what I’m here to tell you now.”
“A-apology accepted. Now give me some space,” she replied, motioning with her hand for me to give her some distance.
I rose to my feet and was prepared to do what she asked. I began to walk and felt something press against my thigh. Realizing I had my cellphone on me, I almost volunteered it to her until I thought about it first. I needed some uninterrupted time to show her how much I cared, and if I gave her my phone, that time would be minutes as opposed to hours. I slowly slid it from my hands, and sat down on top of a large crate. Reaching behind me, I dropped it between the slats and was glad I hadn’t removed it from airplane mode yet.
I then looked back at Kenzie who had her eyes closed as she tried to control her breathing. “That day on the roof... you were having an anxiety attack, weren’t you?”
Her eyes opened and she stared over at me, the truth reflecting in her eyes. “I can’t do this with you tonight.”
I almost asked her what she could do with me, but I had stopped myself. I didn’t come here to get into her pants. I came to tell her I strongly believed myself to be in love with her, and that I suspected she felt something similar for me. It seemed preposterous, but completely realistic at the same time.
“Everything hadn’t been a game between us,” I finally said, causing her to drop her head.
She finally raised it after a few seconds. “So you say.”
“I’m serious. Back in high school, you were so different from everyone else I dated.”
“Don’t you mean everyone that you played?”
I let out a wry grin. “I deserve that.”
“Well, I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to you, and especially not about high school.”
She was so fucking stubborn, and it was one of the things I admired most about her. “You drive me fucking crazy because you always make me work so damn hard for the smallest inch.”
She looked back over at me, and this time, she was the one to smile, until she suddenly clutched her chest. Her face paled instantly and regardless of her earlier wishes, I was on my feet and soon kneeling back in front of her. I placed my hand over hers and could feel how hard her heart was beating. She began to hyperventilate, and remembering what I had read about lying down during a panic attack, I pulled my shirt off to give her something to lay her head on.
Before I could pull her against me, she cried out, “It’s so tight. My chest. It hurts so much.”
Tears were now streaming down her cheek and her entire body was soaked in sweat. Hoping she didn’t clock me for what I was about to do, I reached over and began to hastily unbutton her top. She did swat at my hands as she asked, “W-what are you doing?”
“Shh, Kenzie. You’re burning up, so I’m trying to help you get more comfortable. Just calm the fuck down.”
I was trying. It didn’t help that her bra was one of those sheer ones which now displayed how hard her nipples were. I wanted to lean in and suck one of them into my mouth. I didn’t because despite what she thought, I could think about more than simply sex. At the moment, it was proving to be a struggle.
I finally managed to get her shirt off and then I placed it next to mine. “Here, you should lie down. I read that it helps those with anxiety.”
She wanted to protest, but she thought differently, and soon I was helping her onto the floor. I looked down at her and memories of those two nights I had fucked her came rushing back, and I had to resist the temptation to cover her body with mine and not take her right there on the floor.
She was still breathing heavily, but her eyes were closed. I picked up one of her limp hands and held it between mine. It was cold and clammy, so I tried to infuse some warmth into it. While Kenzie looked to be in distress, I could see her visibly start to relax. It hit me that she truly had only been like this one other time, and it’d been that day on the roof. I didn’t think she was being suicidal. In fact, I think knowing the entire school would know what we’d done, and have seen it, had just been too much for her to deal with.
“Everyone breaks, Jonas. True strength is how you rise from those pieces,”my therapist had also told me during one of our earlier sessions.
Kenzie had risen from all of that and until I fucked with her head again, she’d moved on and was making something of herself. In New York City, she did what she had to do to survive, and I couldn’t fault her for any of that. So what that she was caterer. She had true skill when it came to cooking, and I’d callously dismissed it all because she didn’t have the standard merits. Leeann DeSoto had tried to seduce me, which had been laughable at the time, so it wasn’t a stretch to think she had moved on to another judge. I wanted to rip the place out from under her, but the truth was that it was making money and I had signed a contract.
The woman currently looking up at me beneath partially lowered lashes had also won out in the end if this place was any indication. I had sat there while waiting for her to join me, and I’d seen how well her food had been enjoyed. The restaurant itself rivaled a lot of those Michelin-starred places I frequented world-wide, and I’d realized she had been just as deserving of the contract. I had minimized her, however, and insinuated that she’d been lying about her competition.
“I’m such an ass,” I remarked, then heard a soft hiccup.
I looked down to find her smiling weakly at me. “I could’ve told you that.”
Reaching down, I brushed some of the dampened blonde strands of hair off of her cheek, then rubbed her smooth skin while grinning. Kenzie’s breathing had somewhat returned to normal, and I knew it was best that we get out of this storage room. Deciding to fetch my cellphone, I made a move to retrieve it, but she grabbed my arm before I could fully turn.
I looked down at her hand, then her face. “H-hold me,” she implored, and everything, including my cellphone, was disregarded as I rocked back on my heels and sat down. There was one of those industrial-sized bags of flour behind me, so I leaned back as she crawled into my arms. She turned and now had her back to my chest, so I wrapped my arms around her.