He chuckles along with me, tapping back nothing more than a thumbs-up in reply. “It’s like a system check. Command texting the battalion to make sure we’re all paying attention. Green Toyota—any brief text with the word ‘green’ in it—basically just means that this is a test. No need to rush in. If it says ‘red’ in it, that’s a different story.”
“What’s red?” I ask, even though instinctively, I know the answer.
“Red means, get your ass to base because you’re deploying in two hours. Red cardinal. Red bullet. Red Corvette, this time around.”
“Red Corvette.” I murmur it. “Two hours? That’s all they give you?”
“Yep. To wrap up loose ends, pack, and be on base, ready to go. That’s why when my battalion comes up in rotation this fall, I won’t be able to enjoy the beach as much.”
This fall. Those two words haphazardly tossed into his statement are exactly what I needed to hear right now. Yet the idea of him in the military doesn’t have its usual effect.
Seeming annoyed by the interruption, he sighs and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Sorry. That was… a moment killer.” He chuckles.
“A moment killer?”
“Uh—yeah. That’s what Mason calls it. Killed the moment.” He shakes his head, frustrated. “But anyway, I’m glad you feel that way. Because I feel the same.”
“You do?” I hit the rewind button in my brain, trying to remember exactly what I said before that phone lit up. Did I say any of those thoughts in my head? Does he love me too?
“I do,” he answers. “Just knowing you—it’s opened my eyes to a lot. I think I’ve spent so much time being angry at my parents or at fate for sticking me with them. I might come across as a guy who’s got all the answers sometimes. But when I’d get home from a deployment and see all these families waiting for my battalion, I felt… deprived, I guess. Because I’d want that for myself. But now I can’t help thinking about how easily I’ve been able to focus on the mission when I’ve been gone.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. When I’m away, I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. I see what you and your family go through…” His voice trails for a moment while he shakes his head. “Damn, especially afterwantinga family in my life for so long. I don’t know how your brother handles it. I don’t know if I could. Guess I’m lucky I don’t have to go through that.”
At his words, I feel a pressure in my chest as though my heart is breaking just a little.
Here I was, ready to take the leap, and instead, I’m realizing thathe’sthe one now who wants this to end with the summer.
He wants to focus on his mission. He doesn’t want what my brother has.
He doesn’t want me.
Even with his phone still lit up with a reminder of why I shouldn’t want him in my life… I’m shattering inside at the realization that he doesn’t want me inhis.