CHAPTER13
~ MILLIE ~
I feel the warmth of Dax lying next to me in my bed before I even open my eyes.
I like this, I decide, keeping my eyes shut for a few moments longer.
It’s only the second weekend we’ve shared my bed. But already, it’s like my body has become accustomed to his presence next to me.
I’ve only had one man in this bed since I broke off the engagement with Alan. There was a guy who taught guitar at the music shop on the island.
His name was Ej, pronounced Edge. I have no doubt it was a fake name. His band friends all had strange names, as though this would automatically predestine them to become the next Axl Rose or Seal. He was nice and wildly talented. His band played local spots on the island and even in Savannah sometimes. But eventually they all moved to Orlando, Florida, where there were more places for them to get gigs.
It was never even an issue when he left. There was never a conversation or even a thought that I might follow him, or that we might try to continue our relationship long distance.
He was going to go his way, and I’d go mine. I didn’t cry or mope or wish for something more. Because as nice as he was and as much as I enjoyed listening to him play guitar, I didn’t ever picture my life with him.
That kind of relationship I had with Ej—that’s what I need with Dax now. That’s how I need to think of this.
But the sex with Dax is too damn good for that. How can I not want more?
A summer romance. That was our agreement.
Just weekends.
Friends with benefits.
I flip through the words that we used in our conversation last weekend like they’re etched into a book of rules that resides in my head.
And even though I know that’s all I can handle, after the kind of sex I’ve been enjoying, I want to take that book and burn it.
But I can’t.
I’m not like my sister-in-law who can juggle a job and a kid and still manage to not fall apart when her husband is off doing whatever the hell he does. Even with Dax’s calming words and assurances, there are still too many times when I forget his oceanside philosophy lesson and focus in, laser-sharp, on when he said, “Well, you’re never totally safe on a mission.”
I’m not a fool. Life is full of risk, whether you’re a SEAL or Soldier, a hair stylist or stockbroker, or you’re a restaurant manager like me. But the difference is that I can’t call up my brother when he crosses my thoughts and say, “Hey, Bro! You okay? Just wanted to check on you.”
There’s a sense of powerlessness that comes with being a family member of someone who goes on black ops, and it’s something most people can’t relate to.
I have no idea how Ava is holding it together so well.
The thought of Ava makes my eyes open.
I need to check on her. It’s been a week since we talked. And I don’t want her feeling like she’s alone in this.
I look over at Dax, still asleep, an almost boyish innocence about him as he lays next to me. But when my eyes drift along his form to his abundant muscles, that boyishness definitely disappears.
I nibble my lip, pushing past the temptation to wake him up and enjoy more of what we did last night since I’m not opening the diner today. Instead, I reach over to my nightstand to retrieve my phone.
“U up?” I write, and my phone lights up with Ava’s reply before I can even set it down on my nightstand again.
“Of course!”
I smile. I can always rely on her to be awake when I am. “How r u?”
“Good. How r things there?”
“Not half bad,” I write, unable to stop my grin from spreading across my face becausenot half badis a vast understatement.