I sigh.
“I guess I know you’re right, at least somewhere in my subconscious. But I’m still upset with Todd. He embarrassed me beyond belief, and you should’ve heard what those girls were saying…”
My friend merely tilts her chin.
“I know they were rude, but you know some of the Sanctum girls can be jealous bitches. That’s why we curvy girls stick together, right?”
“Right,” I say slowly. “Right.”
At that moment, a new customer comes over, and this time I’m pulled away to show off our new line of mascaras. But while I work, Marcy’s words hit home in my head. Maybe I was too hard on Todd for naming the colors after my privates. Like my friend mentioned, it’s just names, and I know he did it out a misplaced sense of passion.
Oh shit. I’ve screwed up, haven’t I? My heart starts racing and all of a sudden, I can’t wait for this customer to leave because I need to find Todd. I need to tell him I’ve made a mistake and want him back. But is our relationship too damaged already? After all, I was childish and petulant, and maybe the billionaire doesn’t want to see me anymore.
9
Bridget
* * *
I’m a coward. I’m a total failure and utter coward because it’s been two weeks since my resolution to reach out to Todd, and yet I haven’t done it. Instead, I’ve been going to work, coming home, and ruminating on the subject endlessly, but I just can’t pick up the phone. What is wrong with me?
I know I’ve never been great at taking the first step, and it probably has to do with my insecurities. I’m always so afraid of being rejected that instead of reaching out and extending myself, I curl up into my shell and protect all my soft tissues, like there’s a predator out on my scent.
But this is different because there’s no predator. Instead, my worst enemy has been myself, and now I’m paying the price. I can’t believe I let two weeks go by because with each passing day, the silence grows longer and seemingly more impenetrable. Is there even any point in reaching out anymore? What if Todd’s already moved on to the next girl? God knows, there are dozens of pretty women who would be more than happy to step into my shoes.
Fuck. I’m so terrified and paralyzed simultaneously, and my heart drops to my feet. I’m just about to pull a blanket over my head and call it a day when the phone rings. My heart races for a moment, hoping it’s Todd, but instead, it’s my buddy, Jemima. She’s the one who met her husband Zane when they participated in a Virgin Hunt put on by the club, and it worked out.
“Hey,” I grunt morosely into the receiver.
“Hey yourself,” she burbles happily. “I wanted to see if you’re free to grab coffee sometime today? Zane has Oliver out for a session of father-son fun.” To be honest, I don’t want to see anyone, but Jemima pushes me hard. “Pleeeease?” she wheedles. “You know I hardly ever get time out of the house these days, and I haven’t seen you in so long.”
It’s not nice to make a new mother beg, so I grunt.
“I guess I can make it.”
“Okay, see you in fifteen!” she chirps. “Let’s meet at the Sunshine Café just around the corner from your apartment.” Then she hangs up and I’m left blinking at my phone. Fifteen minutes? Is this girl insane? Shaking my head, I get up and struggle into a jacket before running a brush half-heartedly through my hair. Okay, it looks even worse than before, but at this point, I just don’t care.
Within fifteen, I’m at the café and to my surprise, Jem’s already there with two steaming coffees and two scrumptious chocolate muffins. She throws her arms around me in a hug.
“Hey girlfriend. It’s good to see you.”
“Hey,” I mutter, slumping into a chair. “How is everything? Zane and Oliver are enjoying some quality time together?”
Jem nods with excitement while biting into her muffin.
“Yep, and everyone’s doing great. In fact, I have the day to myself so I’m doing super-great!”
I have to laugh at her enthusiasm and take a sip of the coffee.
“New motherhood is that stressful?”
She makes a face at me.
“Bridge, don’t ever get pregnant,” she warns. “These kids will drain the life out of you and leave you an empty carcass without a second thought. But what’s going on with you? Are you still not talking to Todd?”
I shake my head sadly.
“Yeah. I want to, but… it’s hard.”
“You still haven’t reached out?” she asks in a surprised voice.
I nod. “Yeah, it’s bad right?”
Jemima looks thoughtful.
“Yeah, it is kind of bad. I mean, why don’t you just pick up the phone?”
I sigh.
“Because I’m a loser. I want to, but for some reason, whenever I reach for my cell, I just end up putting it back down. I don’t know. It’s an insecurity thing.”