CHAPTER 4
GABRIEL
Something is wrong with me. It must be. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never felt jittery or like I’m about to crawl out of my skin. I’m not someone to get nervous. I left that in my former life, the one where I never knew what was around the corner.
I learned from my brother, Jericho, those emotions are useless, and they will only cause more problems than solve them. I used him as a model to shut down all my emotions and look at the world through a lens of unfeeling calm while examining all the angles in order to understand the motivations of people around me.
It took some time in order to shut down part of myself, but, in the long run, it worked out better for me. I didn’t get invested with people and so they couldn’t let me down. I’d been let down enough by life. Jericho was the only one in my corner for far too long.
Then I met Kent. I don’t know why we clicked, we’re so different, but he gives me a balance I didn’t realize I was lacking in my life. He’s not out of touch with his emotions in the same way I am. He feels everything, but it doesn’t make him weak. It took me a long time to figure out how jealous it makes me, but it does.
I wonder sometimes if I’ll be able to bring that part of myself back to life. Recently I’ve been thinking about it more and more. I think it’s the effect Ariel has on me because she doesn’t deserve a cold man who can’t access his fucking heart. She deserves the fucking world.
Cy is more like me than Kent, so it wasn’t surprising when we brought him into our brotherhood of two. He needed the same kind of balance Kent provides. He’s cold and shut down for completely different reasons than I am, but the result isn’t too different.
It’s one of the reasons I was surprised as fuck a few days ago when he called me to let me know he set up a date with our girl. My heart was thumping inside my chest, the same way it is right now, and anticipation was almost drowning me.
It seems people are changing around me left and fucking right. I stare at the phone in my hand, shaking my head and thinking about the conversation I just had with my brother. While he doesn’t talk about it, I’m smarter than he gives me credit for. I know he’s made his living as a hitman. I know he used the money to give me the education he insisted I had so I didn’t follow in his footsteps.
The death of others saved me.
How fucked up is that?
Maybe it’s why I threw myself into Philosophy, to try and find some sort of explanation when there really was none to find, but without the clinical bullshit of Psychology. Who needs that? I don’t want to be analyzed, I just wanted to seek an understanding for what feels just out of our reach. The big questions.
I might teach it, but it doesn’t mean I’m any closer to having the answers I was seeking when I found the discipline.
I run my fingers through my hair, shaking my head when I look at the memberships to Club Sin: Chicago spread across my desk. I was not expecting that when I opened the large manilla envelope. Who the fuck gives someone else, let alone me and my two best friends, memberships to a sex club?
Only my brother.
His words echo in my head about me needing to stop pining for a woman I haven’t met. Not only me pining away for her, but Kent and Cy as well. He must be getting softer having met Briar. I have a feeling there’s more to it than him meeting her, but he hasn’t told me, and I haven’t gotten the chance to visit him recently.
With summer break on the horizon, maybe we could go to New York City to see him. It’s been a while since I saw him. Even though he taunted me on the phone and basically told me to take the girl we were obsessed with to Club Sin, I still miss him.
Only brothers can taunt you, make your mind spin and you still love them afterwards.
Jericho rocked me a little bit, but I didn’t share with him Cy has already put plans into motion. I knew it had to happen the moment Ariel admitted she’d been seeing someone for the last month. How the hell did we not know about it?
If I let myself think about it too much, I know I’ll break everything in my office. As tempting as it is, that’s not exactly the image I want to have around here. I put a mask on when I’m at work, forcing myself to be approachable and open, but only when it’s about teaching and work. I keep a very firm line between professional and personal and I’m more than okay with it.
Even though I’m a little surprised no one took me up on my office hours today considering finals coming up, I’m relieved as fuck. Hopefully everyone is taking the weekend and decompressing. With any luck I’ll be doing the same right along with Cy and Kent.
My cock lengthens in my pants at the thought of getting my hands on Ariel. It might be creepy as fuck how I used a connection of Jericho’s to find out everything I could about our little mermaid, but I’m not even a little bit ashamed. I’d do it again without remorse.
The first time I heard her voice, I knew she was mine, ours, but then when I saw her picture it made a zing go through me. The awareness wasn’t something I was prepared for at all. It was like coming home and settling into a perfect night of comfort and cozy feelings. It was everything I missed while I was growing up and everything I’ve been chasing for what feels like forever.
It’s why I haven’t been able to get over the thought that Ariel is meant to be ours. It’s why I’ve found myself signing in randomly to see if she’s online and I can steal a few minutes with her. It’s why I’ve had my source continue to send me pictures.
I’ve become a fiend for all the information I can get about her, all the little crumbs of her life I’ve been able to come across and horde into the vision of the woman I know I’m supposed to love and spend the rest of my life with.
I know it’s fucking crazy. I know it.
There’s not a damn thing I can do to stop it.
She had no idea she sealed her fate when she made that headshot and took out Cy. She had no idea what she was doing with her sweet voice when she accepted his voice chat invitation either. Our sweet little mermaid is in our net but has no idea she’s been caught.
I would feel badly about it if I didn’t know she is going to be worshiped and given everything she’ll ever need in her life to be happy between the three of us. It wasn’t something I had ever considered until I heard Ariel’s voice. Then it was like I had a damn psychic vision or something and could see our lives stretching out in front of us.