I didn’t slap him even though part of me was screaming to. I squared my shoulders like a badass bitch and sneered, “So sorry I couldn’t help you with that, but I can’t wait to see you drop dead.”
Then I turned on my heel and walked out of there with my head held high. It wasn’t until I got home that I allowed his words to slice through me the way they desperately wanted to. I’ve been a novelty for men before; a test run, an experiment.
I went against my instincts with Joel because I had hope and now, I’m not sure what to do with myself. I can’t have what I really want so I’m just shit out of luck. Which sucks.
Big time.
Kids are furiously writing out the review questions I have on the board. I can’t help but smile a little at their eagerness. I hope life doesn’t rip them apart as they keep growing. For some, I know it has already.
My head pounds in time with my heart and I wish I had brought something with me for this headache. I knew better than to drink tequila last night. It never does me any good to get blitzed. I don’t even remember when I got the bottle. I think my brother, Emmett, gave it to me when I moved into my apartment, and he came from Detroit to help me.
I should have stopped to get something with a little less kick after leaving the restaurant, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. My only thought was to get somewhere safe, somewhere I could break down so I could put myself back together again.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?
I just wanted to get home to see if the guys were online. I wanted to hear their voices. I wanted the comfort I only seem to find with them.
Which is so fucking stupid and silly. I don’t even know them, not really. Everything they’ve told me about themselves could be total bullshit and I would never know.
I don’t think they’ve lied to me though; my gut tells me they’re sincere. It’s the only thing which has stopped me from asking Emmett to look into them. Well, that and I don’t like to ask my detective brother to use his resources in such a way. I know he would without question if I asked.
I was surprised as fuck last night to hear how upset Cy, Kent and Gabriel were about me dating. I wasn’t prepared for that at all and then I wasn’t sure if it was just my alcohol addled brain that was fucking with me or if it was genuine. I’m pretty sure one of them growled or snarled or something.
It was hot as fuck.
When my phone beeps, I open the drawer of my desk where it’s stored and take a quick look. I feel my eyes widen when I see a message notification. My heart starts to beat wildly in my chest; it’s the same thing which happens every time I get a message from one of my guys.
No. I mean the guys. The. Guys.
CYCLOPS: Little mermaid, you better not swim away. You left too fast last night and none of us had a chance to apologize.
FLOUNDERSFRIEND: I didn’t make an ass out of myself, did I? I shouldn’t have drunk that much. I don’t even know why I was so upset. I knew it wasn’t going to work out.
CYCLOPS: I don’t like you being upset, Ariel. I don’t like it at all.
Jesus, I can practically hear Cy’s deep gravely voice speaking the words directly into my ear. The memory of it, the sensory overload, does something strange to my body. My nipples are hard, and I swear my pussy is weeping for some damn relief.
This is not the place for such things. Not at all.
CYCLOPS: Don’t shut us out, Ariel.
FLOUNDERSFRIEND: I’m not, Cy. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run off last night, but the room was starting to spin, and I had to be up early for work today.
CYCLOPS: Are you okay? Hungover?
FLOUNDERSFRIEND: It isn’t the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last time either. I’m okay. Just a headache.
CYCLOPS: I don’t like it.
FLOUNDERSFRIEND: What are you going to do about it?
Fucking hell. Am I flirting? I know I slip and do it sometimes when we’re chatting while playing. When I do, it’s like I can’t help myself. They do something wicked to me and I can’t stop myself from giving into the pull.
Which is totally why I let myself ignore everything wrong with Joel.
I need to get my shit together.
When nothing comes through for a few minutes, I rip my focus away from my phone and back to my class. They’re still working diligently, and I sigh. I should be focusing on them and finishing out this year strong. I can’t let a man, no matter who it is, get inside my head.