ChapterThirteen
Weston
Her body languagetells me everything I need to know. She’s shutting down and closing me out. Her fear of the past slips through to the surface as the charade mask falls from her grip.
The elevator slams to a grinding halt and then the lights go out, like I imagine her brain doing. She’s easy to read when the mask is down, when her emotions play like an old screen projector in front of my eyes - different slides directing each part of her brain on what to do or how to feel. I understand the fear.
I felt it when my mother left, when I learned of her passing, and when my last long-term relationship walked away. Every relationship since I’ve been afraid to commit. Afraid that as soon as I was all in they’d up and leave. Walk away. Maybe Wynter was right and things would never work out between us.
Self-doubt creeps in like an antsy little parasite. Am I expecting too much? I’m not expecting love, only for her to let me in. To let me spend time with her. I keep sneaking glances at her as the emergency light highlights her face. The concept of time escapes me, but the silence is deafening.
Trying to call out from our phones is a bust, so we use the call button, but there’s no answer either. She’s slipping through my fingers with each passing second.
“Wynter, talk to me,” I ask tentatively. Her eyes align with me, as we stand silently, gazes locked. A tear slips down her cheek, and the urge to catch it comes over me.
“Tell me why” I ask softly. I’m losing her.
“What do you want me to say, Weston?”
“Try being with me. Jump out of that security bubble and give me a fucking shot. That’s all I’m asking for… a chance.”
“So, what, you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? Hold hands, kiss in public, lie to each other every night and say I love you before going to bed? Pretend that we’re happy when inside we’re falling apart?”
“I want you, Wyn. Something, anything. Friends, even. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
“I’ve been thinking. A lot. This is too much. Things are moving fast. We’ve hated each other for months. That hate turned into sex in a dirty bar bathroom. You keep pushing me. Pushing this thing between us. How do you know that it’s not all going to come crumbling down in a matter of months? What if it doesn’t work? There’s only one way this can end and it won’t be one of your Disney happily ever afters. I… maybe it’s all a mistake. Maybe we can’t be anything, not even friends.”
My heart sinks at her words.
“What are you saying? I need you to spell it out for me because what I feel for you is damn real. Last night was special. Holding you in my arms, feeling your warm breath against me as you slept. You can’t tell me that meant nothing to you.”
“You will thank me for ending things before they even get started. If we get in too deep, there’s no going back, we’re stuck together. People who come from families like ours, West, don’t marry for love. We marry for prestige, for wealth, for business. I know it all too well and I won’t go back to that life.” My eyes widen when she mentions our families. I’ve never spoken to her about mine, but I’m sure it’s obvious. We run in the same circles. The Carlisle and Croix names have been around for years.
“Fuck our family names, Wynter. I see you. Yes, there’s a shit ton of ice between the warm heart I know you have and what you show everyone else, but I still see the real you. Theyouwhen no one is looking, and that’s more than enough for me. Why can’t I be enough for you? Why does every woman I find important want to leave me?” First, my mother, my one year relationship, and a whole line of hookups. All for various reasons. The tension floating in the air is palpable, stealing all the oxygen from the small box imprisoning us.
The woman standing in front of me has become a stranger. This Wynter is the same cold as ice one I’d met all those months ago. Her words slice through my heart, cutting veins and arteries along the way. Maybe I’ll bleed out from the inside.
Even when she acts like she hates me, it’s better than this. Whatever this is… it’s different. She’s withdrawn. Different. Fear stares back at me from those azure blue eyes.
“Don’t do this, Wynter. Don’t believe the lie. Don’t push me away,” I beg, broken. A flashback of the last time someone discarded me shatters my heart. I’m falling in love with the woman who’s willingly ripping my heart out. “I’m falling for you, Wyn…”
All care is gone when the cold facade slips back over her face. “You shouldn’t. I’m not capable of love. I don’t know how,” she whispers, looking away.
I want to grab her, shake her, and get her to think, but she’s already gone. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally I’ve lost her.
The lights flicker back on around us and the pulley on the elevator groans to start lowering us down. I look up as the doors open and she’s gone. Not even a goodbye. The tension in my limbs threatens to take me out, but I fight it. Pushing the button for my floor, I let the elevator lift me back up.
It’s torture letting her run away. I don’t have a choice.
My legs feel like I’m walking through quicksand as I make my way to the door of my apartment. Letting myself in, I hope no one’s around to see me like this, but no such luck. Addison and Reece give me a look as I enter. Shaking my head, I turn and let my feet take me down the hallway to my room.
I hear the door to our apartment open and close. I’m sure Addison is going after Wynter again. I almost hate that she always has to leave when we fight… but right now I could give a fuck less. The Ice Queen gave me hope, letting me believe that I had a chance when she let me care for her, and then crushed me.
I understand the fear, but it doesn’t change my anger over it. Maybe it truly was a game to her. Only this time I let my stupid heart on the line, dangling. I let my brain get fucked up over her.
A knock lands on my door. “Come on. You can’t hole up here all night. Addy isn’t here. Let’s get your mind off her. I won’t ask about what happened because I know you don’t want to talk about it.”
I follow him to the living room as he turns onBeauty and the Beast. You know it’s bad when Reece lowers himself to watching PG movies on the couch. We sit and watch aimlessly, happy ending after happy ending. I continue to watch though because everything else feels meaningless. The TV screen blurs in front of me and I realize we’ve been doing this all day long. I massage my temples, looking for some relief, but none comes. My head is pounding. It could be from staring at a screen all day, the lack of food, or it could be from her.