“You have to stop beating yourself up over what happened to Piper, Lachlan.”
His words gave me pause. I stopped in my tracks, squeezing my eyes shut as the guilt over that night returned to the surface.
“It wasn’t your fault. You’re not to blame. You—”
“Yes, it was!” I whirled around, eyes on fire, heat scalding my veins. “How can you stand there and say it wasn’t!” I bellowed, voice strained and choked with rage and frustration. “It was. I’m to blame. I failed her. I shot her. Me.” I pounded a fist against my chest with every word, heart constricting under the weight of the guilt I’d been living with for too long.
“To protect her,” Nikko insisted. “You didn’t—”
“But I didn’t protect her!” I roared. “I aimed that gun and fired, knowing full well I could barely see straight after being hit in the head. So you’re wrong, Nikko. I am to blame. I’m the reason your sister’s dead. Not the bastard who broke into our house and raped her. Me. And I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I deserve to live with that for the rest of my life. So while I appreciate your little pep talk, this thing with Julia won’t go anywhere. It can’t. I won’t allow it. She deserves better than someone like me.”
I spun around, my entire body vibrating with anger and regret as I hurried back up to the house, wanting nothing more than to return to Julia and the bubble we created for ourselves where none of our past trauma or guilt could find us, even if for just a brief moment.
“You deserve better than someone like you, too, ya know,” Nikko called out when I was halfway up the stone path.
I paused, but didn’t look back at him.
“At least better than this person you’ve turned into. What’s it going to take for you to finally realize that?”
I blinked, opening my mouth to formulate some sort of response. But none came.
Instead, I waved him off and continued walking, not wanting to admit that maybe he was right.