But...
The side of her that had recently been awakened, that had just started to tune into all the things she’d been missing since she was a girl, carefully scheduled out of any control of her own life and decisions by well-meaning parents who saw themselves merely as guides, not tyrants—that side, which was only just starting to be tired of always playing it safe, was tempted enough to want to keep the options alive, to keep more than one door open, as Derek had put it last night. That side, so long deprived, was now hungry. The beast had awakened. It wanted to make up for years of hibernation, to explore and indulge these new and powerful feelings, to shake up her life and for once do something completely irresponsible and totally unlike herself.
But...
This was not the way she would have preferred to awaken that beast. She would rather it awoke bit by bit, comfortably, leisurely, getting used to each stage of awakening before it progressed to the next. Small risks? Like finding new and exciting places and ways to seduce Derek? Yes, yes, bring them on. Risk finding herself out of a job and an apartment, floating around in a new life she could turn out to hate with a man she might not ultimately be compatible with? That was like being woken from a deep sleep because your house exploded around you.
So...
Maybe there was a compromise? Some way to indulge her new hunger for change—and for Derek—without completely abandoning the woman she’d always been? She could visit him in Hawaii, or wherever he happened to be, and go along on a short cruise to wherever he was scheduled to go. He could visit her in New York. They could meet somewhere in between.
But...
If they really wanted to test the viability of their relationship, long-distance with only occasional passionate too-short reunion s was hardly the way to go about it. Addie was nearly thirty, she wanted to settle down, and who knew when or if Derek would ever be able to do that.
And yet...
Addie groaned. She’d been going around and around on this for the past twelve hours. That morning, she’d seen Derek, but apart from a warm smile and a surreptitious hand-squeeze, there had been no chance to mention the importance of their possibly life-changing discussion the previous night. All of which left her feeling it had not been quite real, and that maybe she was angsting for no reason.
“You okay?” Ellen fell into step beside her on the path to the beach.
“Oh.” Addie gave an embarrassed laugh. Apparently she’d made her frustration audible. “No, it’s fine. Just...a lot on my mind.”
“Hmm.” They crossed the sand and handed over their bundles to the crew working to load the skiff. “Tell you what. Let’s take a break.”
“Really?” Addie gestured back toward the house. “There’s still a lot to do.”
“We have plenty of people working and plenty of time. The ceremony’s not till four.”
Addie looked doubtfully at the line of burdened wedding guests approaching Lucky, reminding her of a colony of ants. “I’d feel bad if we didn’t—”
“Ahem.” Ellen crossed her arms across her chest. “I’m the bride, and I get to decide.”
Addie giggled and curtseyed meekly. “Yes, ma’am.”
“C’mon, let’s go.” She took Addie’s arm companionably and led the way back up the hill toward the house, turning left onto a narrow trail Addie had noticed before but never followed. “Have you been down here? It’s one of my favorite spots.”
A few dozen yards later they emerged from the trees onto a part of the island dominated by great granite ledges that sloped into high tide, which, along with a good breeze, was sending waves crashing into shore, causing spectacular eruptions of white, foamy spray.
“Ellen, this is wonderful.”
“Come on.” Ellen strode out onto a section of ledge near a large crevice in which small stones had collected; a gift from the power of the sea.
“I love to sit up here and chuck rocks in the water. It’s crazy but fun. Good stress relief, too. Want to?”
“Sure.” Addie couldn’t say stone-throwing tempted her that much, but this was Ellen’s parade and she wasn’t going to rain on any of it.