What was happening to him? His career, his boat, they’d been everything to him his whole life, first as a dream, then a reality.
“I think I’d have to meet the right woman.” He wanted to roll his eyes at the cliché. “Well, obviously. I wouldn’t want to be with the wrong one.”
“No kidding.” She gestured with her sandwich. “You need to find someone who’d be fine on her own all the time. Raising kids with no help whatsoever.”
He did roll his eyes then. “Yeah, piece of cake, there are probably five or six on the planet.”
They laughed together, though a part deep inside him felt vulnerable and pained, like they were poking fun at something too personal. “What about you, you want the traditional marriage?”
“I...” She stopped, looking pensive. “Funny, I was going to say yes, immediately, but you know, I’m starting to question a lot of stuff about myself this weekend. Maybe I need to think about it. I definitely don’t want to be home alone raising kids, so...you know, just to spare you asking me.”
More laughter, strained this time, no, not too funny. Painful and vulnerable times two. “Tell me more.”
She tipped her head to one side, considering. “It’s funny, having been here, seeing Kevin, meeting you—this week is about Paul and Ellen’s wedding, but it’s also feeling like a crossroads for me, as if I’m coming to a place in life where I can choose to be different going forward.”
“Different how?”
“More adventurous. Taking more risks. Trying new things.”
He nodded and took a bite of sandwich to hide his reaction, which was a fierce possessive need to drag her back to Hawaii and onto Joie de Vivre so she couldn’t try this new wildness out on anyone else.
The power of the feeling shocked him. Maybe this was a crossroads for him, too. The idea of leaving here, the camaraderie, the community and Addie, and sailing off with his crew and a bunch of strangers—the life he’d chosen, the life he’d worked so hard to be able to live—it was not appealing the same way it always had.
“What would you do? Take up skydiving? Start a career as a stripper?”
“Ha!” She made a face. “Not likely. I’m still me.”
“I like that about you.”
“Mmm, thanks.” She closed the space between them for a kiss. Maybe she intended it to be brief, but Derek had other ideas. Her mouth was warm and soft and tasted like lemon sparkling water. She was delicious. He cupped his hand around her head and held her close, kissing her until his desire started rising again. And by the whimper she gave, he knew the excitement was mutual.
What torture next week to be on his boat thinking about this woman and knowing he couldn’t hold her again. The Joie de Vivre had always been his ultimate refuge, his sanctuary, his kingdom. This woman could change all that. He wasn’t sure he liked her having that much power over him and his life. But he wasn’t sure he had a choice.
“Tell me the wild things you’d like to do,” he murmured.
“Hmm. Maybe I’ll take ballet.” She didn’t resist when he took her plate and put it on the sand then returned to kissing her, dragging her across his lap, wanting to keep her safely close to him. “I loved ballet when I was a girl. Maybe take that up again.”
“Mmm, Addie in a tutu. I like the idea.”
“Or maybe...” Her voice lowered and became slightly husky. She tipped her head to give him better access to the soft skin of her neck, tasting of salt, cocoa butter and Addie. “Maybe I’ll take an online lit class.”
Derek sucked in air, as if she was wildly arousing him. “A lit class. Addie I’m not sure how much more I can stand.”
“And...” Addie sat up and put her hand to his chest, her gaze smoldering. She pushed until he was forced to lie back on the towel, then she straddled him on her hands and knees. “Maybe I’ll learn French.”
“Oh, la la.” He growled and pulled her down to kiss him, molding her body on top of his. “Addie, I just want you to know that if you feel the need to try out anything different, you know, to bring out this wilder, primal, sex monster side of yourself, seriously, feel free. Right now. On top of me. I can take it. Really. I promise.”