And what that said about me? Jesus, I didn’t even know.
“Because I had no choice.”
That nonsense answer had me grinding my teeth as I started to get to my feet. “Bullshit,” I retorted, but he sat up, caught me behind the knee, and held me there. Gently. With no force, just a reminder of his strength.
Which was amusing considering he was pretty much dragging his tail whenever he stood up.
“You’re an O’Donnelly. You always have a choice. It’s the people around you who have no say in things.”
He winced at that, and it wasn’t a minute gesture either. I didn’t have to read into his micro-expression to decrypt it. That wince was clear for anyone with eyes to see.
“Maybe, but I didn’t, Aela. Not with that cunt. I had no choice. The bitch was blackmailing me, and back then, I couldn’t have covered what she threatened to extort out of me.”
My head whipped around at that, and I gaped at him. “You can’t be serious.She was blackmailing you?” I mean, I’d known Deirdre… she was vain, a little ditzy, a lot egotistical.
Shit.
Yeah, I could see her doing that. Being stupid enough to think she could get away with it with her life intact. Of course, she hadn’t died for that reason…
His lips tugged into a snarl. “She was. I wouldn’t joke about something that still fucks me off so much.” He let go of my knee, raised his hand like he was no threat, and said, “I’m still being blackmailed, even though she’s dead. The price has changed now though.”
“What?” I sputtered, wondering if he’d suddenly started talking Mandarin or something. And to be honest, in my life, that wasn’t all that unusual. Seamus would routinely change the shows he watched into other languages for learning purposes. Each and every time it happened, I was always slow to react, wondering if it was my brain or the TV.
“Deirdre had it all planned out. We’d be married the second she hit eighteen.” That snarl made another reappearance. “It was the easiest way to keep her silent. The new one, after she died, they’re a lot more expensive. Ten grand a month.”
“For the past fourteen years?” I gasped.
“Yeah. It adds up, doesn’t it?”
“What the hell did she have on you?”
“Plausible deniability… you know what that means, right? Or did you forget that along the way?”
Folding my arms against my chest, I scowled at him. “You can’t tell me you’re being blackmailed then not tell me why.”
He grimaced. “She learned about something she shouldn’t have, had photos she shouldn’t have, and used them as leverage against me. It was important enough that I obey when I’m not a man to obey anyone.” He caught my eye, held it. “That was the reason I was with her. The sole reason.”
“When she was dead, you didn’t have to—”
“Like I told you, I got a new blackmailer after she died. I knew they could make demands that could put you in jeopardy. I wasn’t about to let that happen. It was easier to let you go, to know you were safe, than to deal with you dying because of my past.”
Everything about his words should have softened me, but instead, I ground out, “You just paid up? You didn’t question who or what orwhy?” Christ, this was like I was talking to a whole different Declan. “You just let me go?”
“Some mistakes will haunt you for the rest of your life,” he told me softly. “Deirdre just happened to be able to capitalize on something I’d kill to keep secret. I spend ten grand on my parking garage. It isn’t like I can’t afford it.”
“Thought the whole point of extortion is to get as much out of a victim as possible.”
He shrugged. “Maybe whoever it is, is just happy they’re getting a nice wad of dough without me wanting to go after their blood. I don’t really care. Things haven’t changed in all these years, don’t see why they’d start now. But… with you and Seamus back, I’ve recognized that thingshaveto change.
“I’ve set Brennan and Conor onto finding out the identity of my blackmailer. But that’s neither here nor there. You don’t have to worry about that.”
When I stared at him, saw his resolve, I had to shake my head at him. “You can’t seriously think that’s enough of an explanation for how you treated me?” A breath rattled from between my lips. “You treated me like shit, Declan. To the point where I lied to you. To the point where I felt I had to run away from you.”
His jaw worked. “I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t think I had no choice.”
“Yeah? You need to remember that when your father is sneaking into this goddamn apartment and accusing me of things that areyourfault.” I went to storm off, but he grabbed my hand and didn’t let me go when I pulled at his hold on me.
“He’s been here?” he rasped.