“No. You didn’t,” I said woodenly. “Verbal disrespect is an abuse in and of itself. I won’t treat you so poorly, so you shouldn’t treat me that way.”
He was quiet for a second, and I didn’t shrug him off or move away from him, but I carried on stirring my sauce like if I peered into it, it’d act like a crystal ball.
Shit, I had more of chance of seeing into my future if I looked into fishy ragu than the crystal!
“You’re right.”
“It happens from time to time,” I muttered. “Neither of us wanted this, Eoghan, and I know that, for you, it’s a—” God, what was I? “I mean, maybe you’re ashamed of me. Not just because of my ties, but my age, but I won’t do anything to shame you. I’ve been raised to do the opposite.”
“I never thought you’d shame me,” he countered gruffly. “But in all honesty, I’ve shamed myself. I never meant to hurt you by saying that. I didn’t think and, I mean this, Inessa, I won’t say anything like that again.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “When my father was doing what…he did,” I mumbled hesitantly, “I was thinking how unlike him you were, and how, though I didn’t want this marriage, I was so glad because I knew you’d keep me safe.”
“You thought that when he was doing that to you?” he rumbled with disbelief.
“Yeah, I did, because I knew you’d make him pay.” My grin was wasted on the ragu. “And you did. Whether you admit to it or not, I know it was you, and I’m beyond grateful. If the fucker can’t stand, he can’t strangle me again.”
“You know it’ll cause issues—”
“War. I know. It might even…” I blew out a breath. “He has to get back to work soon after, or he’ll lose everything.”
“We can bring your sister under our roof if he falls.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, finally twisting my head over my shoulder to look at him. “I appreciate that.”
He shrugged. “She’s family now, isn’t she?”
My lips twitched. “She is.”
A sigh escaped him as he let his gaze scan my face. “What am I going to do with you, Inessa? You don’t fit into the niche I want to put you in.”
I shrugged. “You think you fit in mine? Maybe instead of trying to push square pegs into round holes, we shouldn’t take each other at face value.”
“Friends first?”
“Friends.” I licked my lips. “But with benefits?”
His snort had me grinning at him. “I’m down for that.”
“Good,” I retorted. “I’m still sore, but maybe tomorrow?”
His hand dropped to my hip, which he squeezed. “I haven’t slept in seventy-two hours, Inessa. Don’t worry, the only thing I want to do in that pit you made for us is sleep.”
“You don’t like it?” I asked with a wince.
“I do. I especially like how big it is. You worked a miracle on this place. I appreciate it. Really. I do. And I’m glad you made it to your taste because there’s no way I can ever really apologize for what you saw that first night, but I can try to make it up to you.”
“J-Just make sure it doesn’t happen again. This apartment might be just a roof to relax under, a place for you to sleep, but this is my gilded cage, Eoghan,” I told him softly. “I know that, and I’m not bitching—”
“I understand.” His hands squeezed me again. “This is your place.”
“No, it’s ours. If you’ll let it be,” I muttered, unsure why I was even clarifying that.
The prospect of him having a second home, one with a mistress in it, filled me with pain.
I knew Svetlana had been Father’s whore before she’d, somehow, managed to get him to put a ring on her finger.
That Eoghan probably—
The pain in my stomach flared out of nowhere. Eoghan wasn’t mine. He never would be.
But me?
I was all his.
He’d become my world, and when we had children, they’d be my everything. The small sphere of my future depressed me, but I knew I had to make the best of it, or what was the point?
I might as well just slit my wrists and try to escape like Cammie had. Of course, she’d failed, but my attempt wouldn’t be a cry for help.
It would be the desperate need to escape a life that was more like death row without an end date in sight.