Frowning, I demanded, “What does one have to do with the other?”
Aidan only went to the doctor when it was serious. The guy could be pissing blood and he’d avoid the clinic. We’d all teased him when he’d made an appointment though, so, yeah, I remembered.
He held up a hand. “Bear with me, son.”
I scowled at him but turned back to face the windshield. “Go on, then.”
“It was just a physical, but they found something.” He cleared his throat. “A lump. I had to have it biopsied. While I was waiting for the results, I—” His hand went to his knee and his fingers clenched as he squeezed down hard. “I’ve not been a good man, Finn. You and I both know that. I try, but there’s the Devil inside me and no amount of confession will cleanse me.”
I wanted to call bullshit, wanted to tell him to own up to the crap he did because heenjoyedit, but I didn’t. This wasn’t related to my reason for being here, not as far as I was concerned, so I had no justification for tearing him a new one.
“I was certain it was cancer. I was like a bear with a sore paw as I waited on the results. Each day, time ticked down until I felt sure I was approaching the end, and then I just had to do it. I had to confess to Lena.”
“Confess, what?” I frowned at him, saw he was staring at his hands.
“When we got married, I wasn’t faithful to her.” He pursed his lips. “Have been since, though. That time she hit me with the rolling pin and pressed charges? I knew that she was it for me. She had fire and she was what I needed. Strong and sure, confident.
“I’d married her when she was too young. Naturally, she was nervous, and things weren’t great between us for a while. Then, after Aidan was born, things changed.Ichanged. I loved him, and I loved her for giving him to me.” He released a breath. “I stopped seeing my bit on the side, but it was too late. When I told her I wasn’t coming back she admitted she was pregnant and that she’d need help.” Another breath gusted from him. “What could I do? I had a wife and a son of my own. It wasn’t like I could help, so I married her off to one of my boys. A good man, I thought. Nothing special, nothing flashy. Just a hard worker. I gave her money to help out every couple of months, made sure he got some of the safer jobs, and I forgot about her.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Aidan? I’m here about Lena and Aoife’s mother.”
“Bear with me, Finn,” he repeated, grinding out the words. “Just listen to me, would you? I’m trying to explain.”
I gritted my teeth and nodded. “Okay, but get on with it. You’re just putting shit off.”
“No. I’m not.” He ran a hand through his already mussed hair. “I wasn’t particularly interested in the kid. Didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl, just got on with my life.” He sucked down a sharp breath. “Remember that picture of me and Uncle Frank in the hall? Where we’re at Coney Island?”
“The one where you’re eating hotdogs?”
“Yeah. That one. Well, one day, my son turns up at home with a friend and I thought my eyes were about to fall out. It was like seeing Frank walk through the goddamn door. I almost had a heart attack, especially when Lena told me who the kid’s parents were.”
My mouth grew dry. “Who were they?”
“His mother was Fiona O’Grady.”
Chills shot down my spine. “You’re making that up.”
“No. I’m not. And to be honest, Finn, I’m glad I’m not. I didn’t want to know you when you were born, but when Aidan brought you home, I was happy.
“I had no rights to you. I’d signed those away, and I’d left you to be Gerry’s son. But seeing you every weekend? Watching you and Aidan play soccer? It was enough. Then you came to me after he’d done that—” His mouth pursed. “—to you, and I took pleasure in cutting that bastard to shreds.
“Motherfucker thought he could do that to my son?” He shook his head. “Part of me was proud that you knew you could come to me, tell me that stuff, but another part wanted to scream. I could have brought you here. Told Lena she had no say in it. To raise you like you were hers. But I didn’t, and when Lena found out what I’d done to Gerry, she asked me why and she was happy when she knew what he’d done to you.
“I never told her you were mine, but when I said you should stay with us, she agreed like I knew she would. We all loved you. You fit in with us so well, and why wouldn’t you? You’re ours.”
A tremor shot through my body. My arms and legs were shaking like I had palsy, and I didn’t know what the hell was going on with my head—I wanted to scream, but equally, I wanted to get the fuck out of the car to get away from this. From Aidan. From the story.
I’d come here expecting one thing and had gotten something else.
Aidan seemed to know I couldn’t speak because he continued, “So, I confessed to Lena last November. I thought for sure I was dying, and I told her that I had a child with another woman. I confessed. I needed her forgiveness, and I don’t blame her, really, but she never gave it to me. She said she would if I told her who the woman was and who the child was, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even tell her when or who. Not without her learning you were mine, and I was frightened. All these years she’d loved you, and I didn’t want that to change. For either of your sakes.
“So, I refused to tell her, and I didn’t think about the vindictive little bitch she can be. When I didn’t tell her, she went to the Old Wives’ Club,” he whispered, referencing the women who’d outlived their Five Points’ husbands. “She asked them to help, asked who I’d been seeing back then. But I’d been discreet. No one knew. There was just conjecture. Some fucking bitch told her that it was this woman over on Canal Street. Michelle Donahue. Who just happened to have a daughter.”
“So, what?” I asked heavily. “She killed Michelle because someone said you’d had an affair with her?”
“No,” Aidan rasped. “She swears it was an accident and from what her guard says, it actually was.”
“What do you mean?”