Sheepishly, he propped himself up on his elbow to stare down at me. “I don’t want you on the pill.”
That had me frowning, but I only replied when I wasn’t panting from my orgasm. “Finn, no way are we ready for a baby.”
“I know.”
His logic made no sense to me, but I knew it would to him. Damn man.
“Then why would you risk it?”
“Because it could take years for you to get pregnant.”
I knew that was true. The pill messed with your cycle, but fuck, it was still really easy to fall pregnant while taking it.
Gnawing on my bottom lip, I whispered, “I’m not ready to risk it.”
He pressed his forehead to mine, and his proximity had me closing my eyes.
“Please, Aoife. I’m thirty-seven. It never mattered before, but . . .”
When his words trailed off, I stiffened underneath him. “Is something happening with the business?”
That was about as much as I’d ask, as deep as I’d delve.
His laugh was short, but he shook his head. “Not more so than usual.”
That made me relax. Him wanting to be a father before he hit forty made sense to me. But it scared me to think he wanted to knock me up just in case he got taken out by the Colombians that were causing the Five Points trouble.
“Let me think about it?” I asked, surprised by the way he’d thrown this at me. Finn could be an asshole, and no mistake, but it was the first time he’d asked something so major of me.
If I was being honest, to me, this was even bigger than him proposing, and we were Catholic, for Christ’s sake. Marriage to us was until death. No take backs.
But . . . a child?
A little boy with Finn’s dark hair and Fiona’s blue eyes.
A little girl with my red curls. . . .
I gulped at the very prospect.
He released a sigh and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Okay.”
I could tell I’d disappointed him. I curved my arms around his waist and tugged him close. “Do you know how my Mom died?”
He stiffened in my embrace. “No.”
“She died in an accident. A car careened into her, thirty miles over the speed limit. She was on life support for a week, and then, I had to make the decision to . . .” I couldn’t even say ‘switch off the machines’ without my eyes welling with tears.
“I understand,” he appeased, bussing my temple.
“When she died, I was alone. All alone in the world, Finn.” I closed my eyes because those damn tears wanted to fall. “I don’t want our baby to be alone.”
“He wouldn’t be. He’d have us.”
“You could get hurt, Finn. I could. I-I mean, it’s not like you’re a regular businessman, is it? We have men with gunshot wounds coming to our door, and over dinner, you get calls about prostitutes being raped. . . .”
A kiss was pressed to my forehead. “That doesn’t mean our child will ever be alone. Lena would love them until the dawn of a new age.”
I thought about that, then said, “That’s a funny way of phrasing it.”