January 4th
Back at work, I decide to focus, concentrate on what I’m selling. It helps to think about other people, not about me, not about Nick. Not even about you.
But who am I kidding?
January 5th
Kate! Stop being so fucking stubborn and just answer!
Delete.
Who even are you?
Delete.
Why’re you such a crazy bitch?
I delete my profile on the dating app. He was a mistake anyway, not really like you at all. I don’t know what I’ll tell Mum.I knifed him.
I stand on the doorstep and watch kids throwing snowballs in the middle of the high street, adults holding mugs of tea, talking in groups. Eddie’s mini mart is open, brightly lit against the grey day. I wonder what his wife has cooked this time, but I don’t go over. No one looks across at me, not even when I roll my own snowball and throw it to land near the kids.
January 6th
Five weeks.
Rather than heading out in the cold to meet Mum, I call her. ‘Too much snow to come,’ I say.
Sal still hasn’t returned. As I wait for her in the courtyard, I watch hundreds of starlings flying in a tight, dark cloud.
The city has shut down.