EPILOGUE
COLE
I walk through the streets of the community, nodding at members as they pass me by, but my focus isn’t on them. Today Marie is moving out of our home and back to the one where she belongs with little Amber’s father, Marcus.
When Shepherd approached me all those months ago and informed me of my designated partner, I didn’t fight it. No, I already knew I had to bide my time and search for a way out, but he didn’t trust me and paired me with someone he thought would keep an eye on me. I hadn’t noticed Marie before because she was quiet and shy—unassuming, and when he introduced me, I barely spared her a glance because I would pretend to be her partner, but I had no desire for more.
We moved in together immediately, and her subservience annoyed me because I was consumed with where Lola might have ended up and desperate to get back out there and look. Marie made sure everything was clean, that our clothes were delivered to be washed, that I had anything and everything I mentioned wanting or needing, none of which I appreciated. And although we slept together in the same bed, I refused to fuck her, the thought making my skin crawl.
Still, I knew I couldn’t put it off forever, especially if she was one of his spies, and I made the excuse that I wanted to get to know her better before we consummated anything.
After about a month, she tried to push it and me into sex, and I felt at that point that I couldn’t avoid it, but I was less than enthusiastic, which she recognized too. It ended miserably. She wasn’t who I wanted, and frankly, being forced left me cold. That’s when she broke down and confessed that she was pregnant and feared for her baby and herself if I didn’t claim the child as mine.
I was angry at first because she clearly planned to dupe me into sex so she could pass the baby off, but over time I recognized her fear and desperation and let it all go. To save an innocent woman and her baby, I could do nothing else but participate in the lie.
I didn’t ask who the father was, and she didn’t volunteer. In fact, I never knew until Shepherd was dead and Marcus felt comfortable coming forward. Part of me wanted to punch him in the face for not being more of a man, but shit, what did that make me?
When David found me after the attack at the ranch, I was tired, weary, and hurting. I went back to find Jase and Michele, but I only found death and destruction. Everyone we had worked alongside, joked, and laughed with, was dead or Turned. I searched over the corpses and killed the last of the zombies in the area, but I never found their bodies. This allowed me to hope that they were alive somewhere, maybe even with Lola.
After my weary fight with my former friends and allies, I made my way back to the truck, to our meeting spot, half hoping that Lola didn’t listen so I could hug her and take comfort in her warmth.
Instead, I was ambushed and shot twice, left for dead, and I will never forget the seductive laughter of Sofia as she stood over me and said, “Too bad, you would’ve been a good fuck.”
After that, she walked away with others that I never saw. My body was on fire, the wounds in my shoulder and side burning from the inside out. I crawled away as far as I could before collapsing. The injuries were not life-threatening if treated, but I was on my own and couldn’t exactly drive to the nearest hospital.
David found me lying under a tree, with my wounds tied off but still seeping around the bandages. He picked me up and carried me to their truck and brought me into the community. I struggle with what I would have done at that moment, had I known what I was getting myself into, but I can’t be sorry because eventually Lola showed up, and I wouldn’t have been able to help her if I hadn’t been here too.
A sharp ache rebounds in my chest at the thought of her. Lola. A pain in my ass that had grown into an obsession and morphed into a love that I couldn’t deny, at least not anymore. To my everlasting regret, I never truly told her, not even when it mattered. I’ve never shown her, not like she deserved, that she was light to my darkness, laughter to my sorrow, joy to my pain. Hell, even at our darkest, when I found her in my sister’s fiancé’s bed the night before Michele’s wedding, I couldn’t turn off the ache I felt at the sight of her pretty face and huge devastated blue eyes.
Her face haunted me from the moment I met her, but I resisted the pull and wasted years without her, and when she showed back up in my life on that fateful day when the world went to shit, I couldn’t not bring her with me, because even then, the pull to her was too strong. My resistance started to wane after that, even as we struggled with outside forces.
Through it all, I could see the burning love on her face when she would look at me, the desire and hope, even when I pushed her and her feelings away and ignored the pull in my heart. She was always there, waiting.
Lola hides her fears and insecurities behind a snarky attitude and bravado, but I know she struggles with feelings of self-doubt and loathing, fear of abandonment, and I hated how I let her down every time she made herself vulnerable. I failed her in the end. I didn’t protect her as I should have. I didn’t make her the priority that she was in my heart.
Every time someone needed me, I chose them over her, believing that she was strong and could do this one more time. Again and again, until there wasn’t “one more time” left.
“Cole!”
I’m forced from my reverie, looking up to find Michele walking toward me, and my chest expands at the sight of her. My baby sister is alive.
“Hey, sweetie,” I murmur against her forehead when she leans into me for a hug. She’s been doing a lot of that since they took out Shepherd and entered the gates a few days later, and while I welcome the contact, I wonder about who is comforting whom.
We’ve always been close, but I was never one to initiate physical contact, and Michele took that lead from me, but I welcome it now because I never know when it might be my last chance.
“What are you up to?” she asks.
“Just helping Marie and Marcus move her things,” I reply. Now that Shepherd is dead, Marie is safe to expose her relationship with Marcus, who turned out to be a nice enough guy, although shy and quiet, just like Marie.
I can see now that he didn’t have the tools to fight against someone like Shepherd. Fuck, even I struggled with how to best him. It didn’t take long after I arrived at the community to realize Shepherd was an egomaniacal bastard, but at first, I had no choice but to stay until I was fully healed. Then, once I was, I realized I was trapped. I could try to find a way to leave in the dark, but I would need time to assess the situation, the level of containment, and gather weapons should it come down to a fight.
After a while, I found that there were people who were scared but willing to fight, and it became my mission to help those people get out of an utterly shitty situation. If we didn’t organize and take him down, how many people would be raped or murdered?
Of course, there were also people so far up Shepherd’s ass it’s a wonder they could breathe, but I stayed because when I looked around this community at all the children and innocent people, my decision was made for me. I couldn’t not try. It wasn’t in me.
So, I resolved to stay and inveigle my way in, kowtow to Shepherd and get in his good graces. I would show him I was trustworthy before taking the prick down. It’s why, when Shepherd told me my partner would be Marie, I didn’t argue, even when I wanted to puke at the ramifications. I couldn’t ever take someone against their will, and I wasn’t attracted to her or anyone else here. My thoughts were still with Lola, hoping she was alive somewhere.
When Marie confessed she was pregnant, I knew I had to play along to protect her and her unborn innocent child. What else could I do?