Only as I step back, subdued does he drop my arm with a disapproving look. Chastened, I gaze off into the lot with a flush burning my cheeks.
“Let’s lock up the doors and keep them in here. If we need to come back, at least we’ll know what we’re dealing with,” Cole says, turning toward the doors.
“Uh, guys?” I ask after a moment, bringing several sets of eyes my way, including Cole’s impatient ones.
“Where’s the dude? What’s his name?” I wave at Enzo and Sofia.
“Oh.” Enzo’s face falls. “He didn’t make it.”
Wait, what? I search their expressions before turning back to the open doors.
“What happened?” I ask with some confusion.
Their grim countenances when they exited the store now make sense, but they don’t seem as shaken up about it as I would be. But maybe they’re more deadened by this world than I am.
With a shake of his head, Cole steps forward, and we make short order of returning the doors to how they were and hightailing it out of there. But as we drive away, I glance back at the store, and a shiver races down my spine. This was a close call. Will we be so lucky next time? And what awaits us farther in?
Enzo rides with Sofia and Manny this time, which is fine with me because I’m annoyed by their lack of empathy and secretive looks, of which I bitch to Cole about for a few minutes until he cuts me off.
“You know what I think, Lola?”
“What?”
“I think you’re jealous of Sofia,” he says, cutting me off before I can deny it. “I don’t think you like that Manny likes her, and you’re jealous. The question is, why are you jealous of Manny if you want to be with me?” he finishes softly.
He won’t look at me as he says it, his eyes focused on the road, and I stop for a moment to get my bearings, a little hurt that he would point this out to me. Yes, I’m jealous, but it’s because Manny is my friend. The friend I made on my own without any history or jealousy or anger, and I don’t want to share him.
Shit, I guess that makes me selfish.
Sighing, I turn to Cole and say softly, “Maybe I am.”
He frowns, and I continue before he makes assumptions, laying my hand on his arm. “But it’s not romantic, Cole. It’s just he’s my friend, and I guess I’m selfish enough to want to be enough for him.”
I lower my gaze and drop my arm, shame roiling in my gut. In some way, I think this is the remnants of my once fractured relationship with Michele surfacing. Toward the end of our friendship, her piece of shit fiancé didn’t want her around me, and she fell in line quickly enough.
If it were so easy for her to let me go for Ben, why wouldn’t it be for Manny and the beautifully treacherous Sofia?
Cole’s quiet beside me, and I worry about how he might feel about my selfishness until he sighs and says, “Sweetheart, Manny deserves to be happy too.”
Shit. My heart pulses heavily and I will away the tears because I know it’s selfish, but nobody ever said I was a nice person. I have many insecurities, and once again, I’m being forced to face one and let it go. Adulting sucks. Big time.
“You’re right,” I warble. “I’ll try to be better. But I just wish it didn’t have to be her.”
“Lo . . .” he says in a warning voice.
“There’s something about her I don’t like,” I whine.
“Yeah, you don’t like that she likes Manny,” he finishes impatiently.
“It’s not that,” I say, but maybe it is. Regardless, I can’t shake my ill feelings and silently vow to keep an eye on her and my friend.
The unsuccessful raiding of Walmart took so long that we stopped along the way and ate lunch. Nothing too exciting, just assorted nuts and water. We’ve become used to conserving and, as a result, have all lost a good bit of weight from it. Again, I notice that Enzo and Sofia are no worse for wear, but wisely, I keep my thoughts to myself.
We set out to search a few more stores before nightfall. We’ll have to spend the night now that the day has already gotten away from us because traveling at night is too dangerous and should be avoided whenever possible.
We find the next sporting goods store, but it’s ransacked, with nothing of value save plenty of clothes. I switch out my boots for a new pair and grab an additional set because the months of wear and tear on the old ones have created holes in all the wrong places.
Since we have more recon to do, we decide to come back for more if we have room after searching the other buildings. Food and water have to be a priority.