Chapter 26
Thomas lingered until the last guests had finally departed Kendall Hall. At first, he was unsure as to why he remained. Mr Gouldsmith and Mr Tulk had left in separate carriages. Lady and Miss Skeffington were long gone. Even Miss Hyatt and her aunt had left, Rachel giving him a farewell peck on the cheek that made his skin crawl.
And yet, when Owen and Nancy turned expectantly to him, waiting for him to offer his farewells, Thomas found his feet were rooted to the Prussian rug.
"Are you well, Lord Warrington?" Lady Kendall asked. Thomas need only glance in the direction of the mirror hanging across the hall to know how dreadfully pale he had grown. Watching Miss Skeffington leave had been bad enough, but he could still sense her growing further and further away.
"I fear I must admit I am not, Lady Kendall," Thomas responded, shaking his head. His hands were trembling and so he forced them into his pockets, hoping to hide the fact from his closest friend and his wife.
"Whatever is the matter, my lord?" Nancy asked, keeping her distance as though she believed there might be something infectious attached to him. Thomas could not quite find the words and he glanced at Owen to see an understanding expression spread across his face.
"My love, I do believe our friend is in need of a little advice," Owen told Nancy and before Thomas could even think to protest, he was being ushered into the nearest parlour and made to sit upon a most comfortable couch. The plushness cradled him and eased his nerves just enough for him to lean back with a deep exhale of breath.
"This is quite serious, is it not?" Nancy asked, her own face paling with concern. She dropped down onto the couch beside Thomas and took hold of his hand on his lap. Thomas, surprised by the gesture, glanced at Owen but the man looked unphased by his wife's comforting nature. He sat across from them looking as though he had no qualms about the closeness between his wife and his best friend.
That is what I want,Thomas realised,a woman I can place my complete trust in.Even thinking it, an image of Miss Skeffington popped instantly to mind.
"What can we offer our advice on, Thomas?" Nancy asked, her blue eyes darkening, becoming deep pools of concern in her flawlessly pale face. All formality had flown right out of the window.
"I…I find myself in a conundrum," Thomas admitted. He sucked in a deep breath and looked at the expectant Nancy, "Regarding your friend Miss Skeffington."
Nancy snatched her hand back though it was clearly a reaction of shock rather than disgust. Nancy glanced at her husband, looking for confirmation of something, and when he nodded, she began to tremble with what could only be excitement. It lightened her eyes to the striking blue of a summer sky just after the storm clouds had cleared and she looked at him with pursed lips, trying to contain herself.
"And what exactly are your intentions toward her?" Owen asked when Nancy did not speak. He sounded more like an older brother or even a father now than a friend and Thomas was quite relieved as he thought that maybe that was exactly what he needed right now.
"I…that is just it." Thomas sighed deeply and shook his head. "My attraction toward the young lady has taken me completely by surprise."
Again, Nancy glanced at her husband. She looked positively fit to bursting. Owen smiled at his wife's obvious discomfort and drew the silence out just a little longer before he finally nodded and said, "Go ahead dear. He clearly needs to hear it and you are obviously dying to ask."
Nancy's mouth burst open, and she blurted, "You are in love with her, are you not?"
Thomas' knee jerk reaction was to deny it but when he opened his mouth, he could not. Lips parted, he stared at Nancy for a few moments before finally giving a slow nod and admitting, "I believe I am, yes. Though I have never felt this way before and cannot decide what to do with it."
"Why do anything with it? Why not allow it to take its natural course as I did?" Owen asked, smiling lovingly at his wife. Nancy scowled back at him and shook her head so violently that Thomas feared she might do herself an injury. Then in the next moment she had gripped hold of Thomas' hand and was squeezing so tightly he was scared for his fingers.
"Oh, please, Thomas!" she insisted, squeezing tighter still. "Do not listen to Owen. If it had merely been down to him our courtship might never have even begun. I practically had to chase him down the alter."
"And I am ever so glad that you did," Owen said, wrinkling his nose affectionately to his wife. "My wife is right, Thomas, you ought to act, or you might find yourself left behind."
Thomas cringed. That was currently exactly how he felt. Having watched Miss Skeffington leave with her mother, feeling the urge to go after her, he had never felt more alone than he did right now. Oddly, he thought,what would my father do?The answer was simple. He would act, so long as he believed it was for his own benefit.
"Miss Skeffington made it abundantly clear in our first days here that she was not looking for anything serious," Thomas pointed out, certain that Miss Skeffington would not have hidden such a thing from her closest friend. Nancy's face fell and it was clear she knew very well her friend's own feelings on the matter.
"Alice has always been frightened of the thought of marriage," Nancy explained. She straightened her skirts on her lap and smoothed the fabric once more before looking Thomas directly in the eye and adding, "She fears that no marriage could ever match up to the one she has seen between her parents."
And I hope to avoid quite the opposite,Thomas realised, remembering how strict and affectionless his parents' own marriage had been before their deaths. He even thought of his aunt, now a wealthy widow, much happier now than when her husband had been alive.
"I can understand her fears," Thomas admitted. Understanding spread upon the faces of both his friend and his wife.
"Your fear of failure has always held you back," Owen pointed out, "Without it, I fear you would be unstoppable."
Thomas was certain his friend was right.
"I think perhaps it is time to stop letting fear tule you," Nancy advised. She smiled warmly to Thomas and continued, "Otherwise, you might just wake up one day and realise you have not truly accomplished anything."
Thomas’ chest tightened. He hated it when other people were right. Even more annoying was when they were right, and he agreed with them, yet he had no clue what to do with the knowledge.
"Then what am I to do?"