“His name is John Godfrey. He has a daughter around our age studying at Whitman.”
“Fancy.”
Thea nodded her agreement, but her brows furrowed. She still couldn’t quite get Bryce to lock eyes with her, and it left her unsettled, reaching desperately in an attempt to catch her. “What did your sister say at the arcade earlier?”
Bryce waved her hand dismissively. “Some party. I told her she could go, but now I don’t think I should have.”
“You know if you didn’t let her, she’d probably sneak out anyway.”
“No.” Defeated, she shoved the tray of food away and focused on her milkshake instead. “She’s not like me.”
“Exactly,” Thea pointed out, sliding the tray back in an attempt to get her to eat. “She’s better. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I’ll try not to take offense to that.”
The milkshake slurped and gurgled through Bryce’s striped straw. Thea tried not to notice the way her lips puckered, or the way the raindrops on the window dappled her golden complexion with shadows. Thea had been doing that a lot, lately; trying and failing not to notice things about Bryce. It was as though one day, she’d been so certain she knew her best friend inside and out that she no longerreallylooked at her anymore, and then the next, out of nowhere, she’d started noticingeverythingabout Bryce, every beauty spot and every wrinkle that formed when she smiled or frowned or laughed. It had taken Thea so aback that her breath would hitch and her heart would stutter each time it happened. It made her feel weird. Fuzzy and feverish and weird. She’d discovered that she was pansexual years ago, now — and with Bryce’s help, no less, since she’d been confident in her own bisexuality since adolescence — but it had still thrown her off. Best friends were off limits. She shouldn’t think of Bryce that way.
But no matter how many bricks she stacked in an attempt to block that irritating part of her brain away from their perfect, uncomplicated friendship, it kept seeping through the cracks.
“You know I don’t mean it that way. I mean she’s betterbehaved.” Thea wriggled and shifted her gaze away so that she wouldn’t have to listen to her pounding heart again.“She’snot going to drink too many wine coolers and throw up on the neighbor’s cat.”
“Idid that one time.” Bryce glared.
“Well, I think one time is more than enough, don’t you?” A smirk played on Thea’s lips, but Bryce didn’t return it, so she did all she could think of. She reached across the table and took Bryce’s hand. It was cool from holding the milkshake and as soft as the rest of her. Thea had always loved playing with her fingers; they glittered with a myriad of jewelry and her nails always wore chipped black polish. It was a habit she’d never really broken, reaching for Bryce’s hand when they watched a movie or as she drove Thea home. Bryce had never said anything about it; had always just let her.
But Thea wasn’t doing this for her own comfort, now. She was trying desperately to tell Bryce it was okay. Everything was okay. She was here. So she squeezed her reassurance gently and didn’t move or pull away.
“Bryce. Every sixteen-year-old goes to parties. I bet Liv will be the most sensible one there.”
“I just worry,” Bryce admitted, biting down on her lip. “I worry I’m doing it all wrong. If I keep her locked inside the house, I’m the strict, awful parent who doesn’t let their kid do their own thing, and that will just make her lie to me. If I let her go, I’m… I’m likeher,right?”
Her mother. Connie had been a lousy parent to both her girls. Bryce had raised herself, and not without struggle, and then had raised Liv, too, while Connie performed intermittent disappearing acts that had gradually increased in duration; her returns home had tapered off until one day, they’d just never seen her again, just like their father.
When Thea had first met Bryce, she’d smoked and partied, had shadows in her eyes that she was too young to have, because Connie hadn’t cared enough. She’d let her do whatever she wanted, and set an example no young person should have witnessed. It made Thea ache to think of how lonely that must’ve been for her. Thea’s own mother was a pain in the ass, but she at least gave a damn even now, when Thea was old enough that she no longer needed her to lean on.
“No,” Thea whispered gently, and rose to round the booth so that she was closer to Bryce. Bryce shuffled down with reluctance, looking anywhere but at Thea. Thea knew just how much she hated to be vulnerable. It happened so rarely now. “You’renothinglike her. Youknowthat.Livknows that. Because youcare.Because you willneverlet Liv feel abandoned or alone. You have to start trusting her, though… and start trusting yourself that you’ve done a good enough job.”
Bryce nodded and let Thea weave a finger delicately through her dark ponytail, bowing her head and steepling her fingers. “She keeps talking about college. I don’t know if I can even afford it.”
“She’s a bright kid. There’ll be scholarships.” Thunder rumbled outside, but Thea barely noticed it, sitting here. Every ounce of her attention was on Bryce.
“Yeah.” Bryce didn’t sound all that convinced, but her eyes shone at least a little bit brighter, two pools of dark, wet ink against the fluorescents. Thea wished more than anything she could tell Bryce she didn’t have to worry anymore. She wanted so badly to take away all of those troubles. It made her feel like a spoiled brat in comparison. She still rented the apartment above the bookstore from her mother and worked for her to pay for it. She’d never had to go out and look for a minimum wage job she had no interest in just to pay the bills. She’d never known what it was like to struggle at all; not financially, at least. She had what she needed to be comfortable, and would always have that to fall back on. Bryce deserved that luxury, too.
Hopeless and lost, Thea could only attempt to lighten the mood. “Maybe we’ll win the lottery or the podcast will go viral overnight.”
Bryce let a small grin curl across her lips at that. “Maybe.”
Satisfied, Thea returned across the table to her burger. “It’s going to be okay, Bryce. Promise.”
“I know,” she replied, voice so soft, so brittle, it sounded like it might break.
“Anyway, when are we going to talk about Peter asking you on a date?” An awful twinge of jealousy had shot through Thea’s stomach when she’d overheard Peter Keane asking Bryce out in the arcade, though Bryce hadn’t even said yes. Then again, she hadn’t said no, either.
“Ugh,” groaned Bryce. “Never. Thanks for saving me, by the way.”
“You don’t…likehim?” Thea felt like a pathetic child in need of validation, reassurance. Not becauseTheawanted to date Bryce instead (are you sure?a voice crooned inside her head), but because a new relationship might break their whole, wonderful dynamic. They’d only faced it once before, when Thea had entertained a musician in college. It hadn’t ended well, and she knew Bryce had felt abandoned when Thea spent so much time away from home; away from her. Thea couldn’t imagine having the situation reversed.
Bryce scoffed, now, finally taking a bite of her burger. Shreds of lettuce fell out of the bottom, and then a slice of tomato with it, but she seemed not to notice. “And when do I have time to date, Thea?”
That wasn’t what Thea had asked. Was she avoiding the question?Didshe like him? The thought sent panic roiling through her. “That’s not an answer.”
“No.” Bryce rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Of course I don’tlikePeter. I have no interest in dating himoranyone else.”
The relief felt as though Thea had sunk into a warm bubble bath, and she relaxed in her chair, the leather covers sticking to the backs of her thighs. Still, something ate at her for a reason she didn’t want to acknowledge.Oranyone else. As though somehow, Thea herself had been rejected by the statement, too. “I don’t think we’re doing this whole twenties thing right. At this rate, we’ll be single forever.”
“Good,” said Bryce through a mouthful of mustard. Again, that disappointment rattled through Thea in response. “It’s easier that way.”
Thea wished that wasn’t the truth. She wished that she could find someone who slot into her life perfectly and set her on fire at the same time.
The problem was, she already had that, with the one person she wasn’t supposed to. With Bryce.