“I don’t know, man,” I said. “I’m into her. Very into her, but she’s a workaholic who’s severely uptight and has a rule for everything.”
Hunter had done a double-take when I told him about the fake fiancée thing, but he skipped over that part for now. “Everyone has their flaws. Mostly because of something that happened to us somewhere along the way. Take Hailey, for example. She didn’t want to let me in because she was trying to save her family business. That’s why she was so insistent about us keeping things professional. She thought she didn’t have time for a relationship and couldn’t afford to lose focus of what was important. She also didn’t want me to think she was using me for my money.”
“Sure, but she had a good reason. She didn’t want you to feel obligated to help. She had a plan to earn it free and clear, and she did her best to stick to that plan. Isabella doesn’t have a family business that’s in debt that she’s trying to save.”
“Maybe not, but my point is that she might have a different reason for being the way she is,” he said, shrugging and moving on to the next crib in the line. “What do you know about her? There could be something there that may help you understand her better.”
“I’m not sure I want to understand her better,” I said. “I’m already way too into her and she’s way too… not into me or any other relationship, it seems. It feels like I’d just be getting in deeper while she’ll always shut down on me the second we get back to the office.”
“If you’re that into her, you want to understand her better.” He wasn’t even looking at me, but it was like he was reading my mind. “You can lie to me all you want, but don’t lie to yourself. It won’t protect you from getting hurt. It’s either going to happen or it’s not. If you know why she acts the way she does, it really could help you, though.”
As I thought about it, I realized that I didn’t know much about her at all. We’d been spending a ton of time together, but I didn’t know what she liked to do for fun. That first night, she’d told me she liked to knit, but that was it. I didn’t even know if she liked reading. What her favorite food was. Whether she’d had a dog when she was a kid or even where she came from.
It was actually kind of weird how little I knew about her. While I remembered all those times I’d gotten the feeling there was something in her past that she didn’t want to talk about, I’d never pushed the issue. Hell, she’d flat out told me there had been circumstances that she’d wanted to lift herself out of but that she didn’t want to tell me about them.
Maybe Hunter is right and I’m writing things off too quickly.If there was a reason why she was the way she was and I found out about it, maybe I would understand her better. Better yet, maybe she wouldn’t keep shutting down on me and pushing me away as soon as I felt like we were getting closer.
It was possible that all the weirdness between us was because there were so many things unsaid and, until we said them, the friction between us would just keep growing. While it was true that I had a feeling I was on a highway to heartbreak with her, Hunter was also right about the fact that I was already on it.
I’d already allowed these feelings to go way too far. If I was going to get hurt eventually, I might as well get hurt properly. But when that time came, if I could tell myself that I’d done everything I could have to try to make it work, then maybe I’d get closure faster.
It was probably stupid, but I already needed some kind of closure. We’d gotten closer, and then we’d had that fight. We’d made up, had that one night together in Maui, and now it was suddenly like she couldn’t stand to be around me and like everything I did was wrong in her eyes.
As it was, I was going to have a hard time putting it all behind me and moving on from her. Even after I got a deal. If I ever got a deal.
Maybe the answer really was in getting to know her. In finding out why she lived to work instead working to live. Because without those answers, I was going to be hung up on Isabella for a long time, and I didn’t want that.
I also didn’t want to keep thinking there was a chance for something more whenever she fucking smiled at me. This thing between us needed to go one way or another, and I knew which direction I wanted it to go in.
There was only one way to see if that direction was even an option, and that was to keep pushing to get to know her before I lost her and ended up having to live with the “what if” for the rest of my life. A lot of people lived with that “the one who got away” bullshit, but I didn’t know if I could. The questions alone would drive me crazy.
I just wasn’t that kind of person. When I went for something, I went for it hard. It didn’t matter what it was, I was all in. Committed. That was one of the reasons why the gym was so successful. I instilled that mentality in every single person who came through my doors.
When they were in there, they were making a commitment to themselves, and commitments were made to be honored. If anything was going to drive me crazy, it sure as fuck wouldn’t be questions I could’ve gotten the answers to if I’d just worked a little bit harder.