He was the first person who’d gotten close enough to me to hurt me in years, but I was determined to keep that fun fact hidden. In the end, he was a client who things weren’t working out with. I’d never sunk this low in a professional relationship before, but there was every possibility that it was time for me to dust off the old contract and look up the exit clause.
“Suck it up, go out there, and sell,” I said instead of letting him know what I was actually thinking. “The sooner you do, the sooner you never have to see me again.”
“Sounds like a dream come true.” He finally smiled, like the thought of getting rid of me for good genuinely made him happy. Then he went back to the buyers while I stayed behind.
I never should’ve taken this job. It’s hopeless.
Parker couldn’t separate business from his emotions, and it was starting to be that I couldn’t either. It wasn’t good for either of us.
Tears pricked the backs of my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. I absolutely refused to let him see how much all this had gotten to me—how muchhe’dgotten to me—but the truth of it was that he had. For the first time in my life, he’d made me see that there could be more. ThatIcouldbemore. That I could have it all if I wanted it.
And I did want it. I wanted someone to have fun with and to laugh with. I wanted somewhere to belong where I didn’t constantly have to be on the lookout and have my own back.
As I watched his features animate now that I was no longer there, I realized the full extent of how bad I was for him. The very fact that I was standing here, almost reduced to tears, demonstrated the full extent of how bad he was for me.
I knew the girls had said that couples had to use their differences in their favor, but ours seemed to be irreconcilable. As much as we were drawn to each other and as easy as things could be between us, that was also how terribly bad they could turn on a dime.
Maybe some would call it passion, but if this was what passion felt like, I had no need of it in my life.A boring, dependable relationship will work quite well for me. Thank you very much.
Not that we were even in a relationship. I sighed heavily, turning and heading for the stairs that led up to my office. My jumbled and confused thoughts about where I even stood with him weren’t making my job any easier.
I’d never quit before, but maybe it was time to do just that. When he and I were good, we were too good together. That was what made it hurt so much more when things got the way they were now.
I was over feeling this way. I’d been hurt enough in my life. Been adrift and uncertain enough times that this was exactly why I clung to my job so much. When I focused only on working, I was never adrift. I was never uncertain.
There was always a plan. A goal. A clear path to achieve it.
I couldn’t let my feelings for Parker take all that away from me. People sucked. People hurt you and people left.
A career built on hard work and a good reputation? That was forever. That was the life I wanted for myself, not this purgatory of messy feelings and barbed words and a person who could yank their laughter and affection away at the drop of a hat.
Or in this case, the drop of a bridesmaid.I didn’t even know what had happened between them after I left. I didn’t want to know. One thing I knew was that after going back to our room and changing, I’d gone for a long walk on the beach—in the opposite direction of where the ceremony had been taking place—by myself.
The other thing I knew was that Parker hadn’t come back to our suite until the early hours of the morning, and when he had, he hadn’t come looking for me. Hadn’t even come close to my bedroom door to make sure I was there, never mind to find out if I was okay.
He’d stumbled directly to his own room and slammed his door, and he’d still been sleeping when I’d left. Bench-pressing bridesmaids and whatever else he’d done with them after must have really taken it out of him because I’d waited for him to wake up for a long time, but he hadn’t.
Having been the person he’d slept in with just the day before, I knew full well that the only time he’d ever been that exhausted had been after a night of nonstop lovemaking.Or no, not lovemaking, fucking.
Parker wouldn’t know the meaning of making love to someone any better than I would. His one true love was the freedom to do whatever the hell he wanted, and mine was a regimented routine of working day and night until I got what I wanted.
And those differences are not about to be balanced out.Which meant that the only question still to be answered was what I should do about it. Did I tuck tail and run like I wanted to? Or did I stay true to myself and see this thing through?