CHAPTER30
The expressions her friends wore were mostly filled with pity as they listened to Phoebe’s tale. Julia already knew most of it, but Sarah and Elizabeth were just learning many of the details. Phoebe had finally joined them on what had once been their usual walk together, and she felt a pang in her chest when she noted just how surprised they were to see her.
It was difficult juggling so many priorities, but her friends were not one that should have been neglected.
The day was warm as spring was progressing, though Phoebe couldn’t help the chill that had invaded and wouldn’t seem to leave her, ever since Jeffrey’s visit toThe Women’s Weekly. The grass was beginning to green, the trees starting to leaf, but despite the beauty emerging all around her, Phoebe was having a difficult time seeing any positivity in the day. Today she had awoken just as she had the day before, wishing everything had simply been one of those terrible, utterly realistic dreams that plagued her when she was stressed by any type of situation.
“Oh, Phoebe, I’m ever so sorry,” said Sarah in a sympathetic tone. “But maybe, just maybe, you can right it all, do you not think?”
“I am not sure,” Elizabeth responded before Phoebe could say anything. She paused for a moment to smile at another group of ladies strolling past before continuing. “We knew from the beginning that a happy ending likely would not be the result of such a complex relationship, particularly with the unconventional role that you have played. I am sorry, Phoebe, that you lost your heart, truly I am, though, as harsh as it is for me to say it, I cannot say I am overly surprised.”
Julia and Sarah turned to look at her incredulously, that she should speak so callously to their friend who was hurting, but Phoebe held up a hand to halt their defense of her, grateful though she was.
“Unfortunately, Elizabeth is right,” she said, finally looking up from the ground to turn to Julia on her left, Elizabeth and Sarah on her right. They flanked her as though they were her guards, here to protect her from anything that may deem to harm her, and she hated that they would see her as such a fragile being at this moment. “When I began to attempt to charm Jeffrey, I never dreamed that it would become anything — why, I hardly believed he would even notice me, let alone lose his heart to me and mine to him. I was as shocked as any. However, as much as my heart aches at having lost him, I also feel a burden relieved from my shoulders at the fact the truth is now known to him.”
They all nodded at that. The truth was always best, was it not?
“Will you speak to him again, do you think?” Julia asked. “What will you do if you see him at an event?”
Phoebe paused for a moment in contemplation, and they all slowed their steps along with her.
“Actually,” she began, “I have decided that I must speak with him anyway.”
“You will? Whatever will you say?” Sarah asked, her eyes wide.
“I must apologize,” said Phoebe decisively. “No matter what feelings may have developed, no matter that I still believe he was misguided in believing that the paper should be discontinued, itwasalso wrong and dishonest of me to attempt to become close with him in order to determine his progress. I played with feelings — his own as well as mine, in the end — and I learned my lesson from it, I suppose. Only it was a most difficult lesson that I rather wish I had avoided.”
“So you would prefer you not loved him at all?” Julia asked softly.
“I have no idea!” Phoebe cried. “I suppose it is too much to ask for love as well as the opportunity to have purpose, to do what I want with my life?”
“For a woman?” Elizabeth asked, an eyebrow raised. “Perhaps, yes it is. And for that reason, Phoebe, you are right for doing the work that you do, for attempting to change the world we live in. For if you were a man, the answer to that question would be entirely different.”
They were all silent as they contemplated Elizabeth’s words, and they continued walking along the Serpentine within the park, nodding at acquaintances they passed along the way.
“When are you going to speak to him?” Sarah asked.
“Tomorrow,” Phoebe said morosely as she thought of the conversation to come. It would likely be their last and would be the slamming of the door upon what could have been, what would never be.
“And the paper?” Sarah asked.
Phoebe shrugged. “Nothing has happened as of yet. Perhaps Jeffrey has not said anything. Or mayhap he is biding his time. I am not entirely sure. We are prepared, however. If we must vacate our property quickly, we will. We do not believe there is any legal recourse that can be taken, but with the power of a noble name, anything is possible. We will, however, persist. I will not allowThe Women’s Weeklyto cease operation simply because cowardly men feel that it might harm the way of their world.”
“That’s the spirit,” Elizabeth said, attempting to smile at Phoebe, but it was a rather pained expression as they all knew the likely outcome of Phoebe’s situation and the fact that, while she could fight, it would be a difficult battle.
Phoebe swallowed hard to avoid the tears that threatened, and her steps were heavy as she continued on in silence.
* * *
The dayafter his mother provided him with her wisdom, as well as the stack of papers Viola had stashed away, Jeffrey slept through most of the morning, which was so unlike him that Lady Berkley sent his valet upstairs to determine if he was well.
He had, however, been awake until the early hours of the morning reading throughThe Women’s Weekly. Only a few issues had been printed at this point in time, but he read each article carefully, then re-read it, then sat there, contemplating the words, his thoughts on the subject, and how the article may affect the women who read it, as his mother had suggested.
He could hear Phoebe’s voice in many of the articles. Oh, not the ones on fashion or gossip, which of course would not interest her, but the editorials, the ones advocating for change, or describing society life — the words came as though she herself were speaking. Her intelligence shone through, her wit brought a smile to his face, and her propensity for determining the exact truth in every situation or opinion astonished him.
Now, he sat in his study, the papers lined up on the desk in front of him once more, as he tried to ascertain his own feelings toward them. Maxwell slept on the dog bed near his feet, completely oblivious to Jeffrey’s melancholy, snoring as he lay on his back with all four legs up in the air.
“Jeffrey?”