“Jodie is going to see Sara. I’ll come and knock once she’s gone and we can…”
“Okay, sounds good. I’ll polish my gun.” She winks.
“It’s going to be over,” I promise her.
“About fucking time. You should have done it weeks ago. Could have saved both you and Jodie a whole heap of pain.”
“I know,” I mutter, taking a step back from her. “But here we are.”
“Ready, Princess?” Seb calls.
“Yeah, let’s get this show on the road.”
* * *
“Thank you for this weekend, it was perfect,” Jodie says, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head against my chest.
“You’re welcome, baby.” I drop a kiss to the top of her head and hold her a little tighter.
I don’t feel ready for what I’m going to do next.
I’ve avoided going down to the basement, I’ve avoided seeing him since things got serious with us, because Jodie deserves to have my full attention and focus. In some ways, I’ve managed to put him behind me. I’ve been able to shove at least some of the nightmares he’s given me under a steel door and lock them in.
But I know she’s right. As long as he’s still with us, he’ll have a hold over me, and we both deserve better than that.
“Are you sure about this?” I whisper, a huge part of me hoping that she’ll say no, or even tell me not to do it.
“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s time, Toby,” she says confidently, stepping back from our embrace and holding my eyes.
She continues staring at me, and I swear all she can see is the scared little boy who lives inside me. The one who would rather hide and cower in a corner than deal with his father.
But that isn’t who I am now.
He trained me, moulded me. Made me a soldier. A damn good one, too.
I now hold all the cards. And it’s time for me to make the last play.
Nodding, I lower down, capturing her lips with mine and reminding myself of all the good that has come out of so much pain.
Having her makes it all worth it.
“Call me when you’re done. We can do whatever it is you usually do after… a job.”
“Fuck, I love you.”
Capturing her face in my hands, I steal another kiss before finally allowing her to back up toward the door.
“I love you too. Lay your demons to rest, Toby. I’ll be waiting on the other side.”
She’s gone long before I’m ready. Silence surrounds me and my chest aches.
Scrubbing my hand down my face, I force my legs to move and strip my clothes off as I make my way down the hallway and to my bedroom.
My head is still lost in the weekend. I need to find that switch inside me that can turn reality off so I can just focus on what needs to be done.
Turning the shower to cold, I step under the freezing spray, reminding myself of years that have passed.
I had my own bathroom under his roof, and cold showers were a regular thing. Apparently, it taught me resilience, strength. For weeks on end, he would shut the hot water off to my bedroom. My only relief was showering at school after football training.