JODIE
Iwas nervous about leaving town for the weekend, there was no denying that. But there was no change in Sara’s condition this morning, and her doctor wasn’t really expecting that to change any time soon. For now, she’s stable and we just have to continue praying.
But even knowing there’s nothing I can do for her, guilt claws at my insides that I’m not there for Jesse. He’s barely holding it together. He scarcely even resembles the man I’m used to with his dark eyes and wrecked expression. It pains me to look at him and know that the only thing I can do is to be there. To deliver him coffee and food and try to say all the right things, which at the time always feel like the wrong things.
It’s hard.
So fucking hard.
And I have a fear that it’s only going to get worse before it’s going to get better.
Jesse sits there day in and day out, like she might wake up at any moment. I get it, I really fucking do. If it were Toby, then I’d be right there egging him on, giving him all of my support. But I can’t help but feel like he’s losing himself right alongside her.
Even if she does pull through this, it’s going to be a long, slow road to recovery.
She gave up everything to chase her dreams, and then, even more, to have a life with Jesse. What happens when that is stripped away?
Her parents have already declared their wishes for her future care. I think if it weren’t for Toby securing the best treatment in the Cirillo ward of the hospital, then they’d have already moved her closer to their home and taken away Jesse’s ability to see her.
The thought of that happening makes my heart ache. Sara is his entire life. I have no idea how he’d cope if he lost that contact now.
“We can turn around or go back whenever you need,” Toby assures me, predicting where my head is at. His hand tightens on mine as we head toward wherever we’re going.
The only thing I know about this trip is that it’s been organised through Galen and that it’s not Evan’s cabin. So really, knowing Toby and the people he’s connected to, it could literally be anything.
“I know,” I say softly. “I just got lost in my own head. I wish there was more I could do.”
“Same, baby.”
“I’m worried about Jesse. He’s not coping.”
“The boys are keeping a close eye on him,” he assures me. And I know they are. Archer, Dax, and Jace have been up there every day, ensuring Jesse has everything he needs and forcing him to take care of himself.
I nod, knowing that even their friendship isn’t going to help much right now.
“How are things in Lovell now?” I ask, needing to divert the conversation away from that depressing hospital room.
“Yeah, as far as I know, it’s all settled down, and Archer has control back over the estate.”
“Did you…” I hesitate, hardly able to believe I’m about to ask this question seriously. “Did you… get rid of the members who were causing issues?”
“Get rid of?” Toby asks with a smirk.
“Did you kill them?” I laugh.
How exactly does my life involve asking if my boyfriend killed the bad guys?
“Well, not personally, but they got most of the main players in the takeover attempts.”
“And what about the ones they didn’t?”
“Fled with their tails between their legs.”
“That sounds… dangerous.”
“Nah. They’re not stupid enough to try anything now. They lost. They’ll most likely start over somewhere else. Weasel their way into some other gang in another city and start the process over.”
“I thought gangs are all about loyalty,” I say with a frown.