JODIE
My mood immediately darkens at the mention of him. And it’s not because he lied to me, or because I’m still mourning my loss. It’s purely because of the dark cloud his existence is hanging over all of our heads.
While he’s still breathing, I know that Toby is never going to be able to let go of his past. Stella is never going to be able to forget the awful things that happened to her because of his need to control every aspect of the lives of those around him. And Mum… I let out a sigh, my stomach knotting that I haven’t even told her he’s still alive. Guilt assaults me as I think about the fact that I’ve been lying to her.
But it’s for her own good… isn’t it?
“You okay, baby?” Toby asks, glancing over as we race toward the hospital.
I know that nothing has really changed with Sara’s condition. I’m not expecting to go racing into her room and find her staring back at me or anything—I know we’re a long, long way from that. And I’m achingly aware that things could take a U-turn fast.
But I need to be there. I need to believe that she’s aware we’re all rooting for her. And I need to be there for Jesse.
He’s barely holding onto his sanity right now, and if my presence helps in any way to keep him together, then I’ll willingly do it.
He’s scowled at me every time I’ve turned up to see her over the past few days. He was trying to pull his scary bad boy gangster act on me to force me home to rest. He needs to realise though, I’m not the same weak, naïve girl he first met. It might have only been weeks really since I met Toby and discovered the truth of my roots, but I feel like a different person.
I’m stronger, more resilient.
And it’s empowering as fuck.
I might not be as bad-arse as Stella, but I’ve certainly found some strength and some pretty impenetrable armour throughout all of this.
Toby did that.
He may have hurt me in ways I never could have imagined, in ways I never want anyone else to hurt. But he also set me free when I didn’t even know I was caged. He showed me a part of me that I never knew was missing, a way of life I never knew existed. And as terrifying as it might be, I think I’m ready to embrace it.
I might never claim my true father’s name as my own, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not one of them. And aside from the obvious, all they’ve done since the truth was revealed has been to open their family to me.
I want it.
I want it so fucking bad.
I think of each of them. Toby’s caring, loving heart. Nico’s… quirks. Stella’s strength, and the love she has for Seb, for each of her boys. Emmie’s resilience. Alex’s humour and lightness compared to Daemon’s darkness and rough edges. Theo’s subtle but controlling demeanour that ensures everyone knows who’s boss. And Calli’s quiet confidence that I think the guys misinterpret for innocence.
I’ve never wanted to be a part of a group before, but damn if I don’t want to be swallowed into the middle of their family, to become one of them.
A smile curls at my lips as Toby sits silently beside me with his hand still locked on mine in quiet support while I try to process my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I finally say. “I’m good.”
He glances over once more. “Good. Me too.”
We share a smile before he’s forced to look back at the road.
* * *
As expected, Sara’s improvement was just in the stats. She looks as pale as she did this morning. But there was a little more hope in my veins this evening, and I’m sure when Jesse smiled at me, it was a little less forced.
He also had been convinced by Archer to head back to his place when Sara’s parents arrived to shower and change, which is a small miracle, and he looked better than I’ve seen him since this whole ordeal began.
Everything was slowly beginning to move in the right direction, and for the first time in a long while, I was feeling good about where the future might take me.
“What the hell are you doing?” Toby barks when I make a show of pulling the lid off the container of his beloved cheesecake when we’re only a few minutes from his building.
“Feeling a little hungry,” I say as innocently as possible. In reality, I’m feeling antsy and more than a little horny, knowing that there’s every chance he’s going to shut the front door of his flat and follow through on all the dirty promises he’s made me over the last few days.
His chin drops and struggles to keep his eyes on the road as I swipe my finger through the sweet, creamy topping.