TOBY
Even as the sun rises around me, the air never seems to warm up. My breaths continue to come out in clouds around me as my body shivers in an attempt to battle the elements.
I should have grabbed a hoodie, or even the sheets from the bed—it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve succumbed to such drastic measures in the past.
Folding my arms across my chest, I stare up at a small cloud racing across the blue winter sky.
Spring is on its way. We should be celebrating a new start. One without that abusive cunt in our lives. But his presence still seems to be lingering. Even from the depths of our basement, he has an impact on my life.
I’ve achieved everything I wanted. But it wasn’t enough.
It makes me wonder if nothing ever will be.
Even when he is gone and finally turned to nothing but ash, my life will always be tainted with his poison.
Mum’s life. Jodie’s life. Joanne’s life.
All of us tarnished by his need for power, to control everything around him.
My fists curl, my nails digging into my palms as I battle with the constant regrets that now fester inside me, slowly eating me alive as if I’ve got venom running through my veins.
Part of me thinks I should have just killed him that first night. Sent him straight to hell the night Stella put a bullet through Joker.
But then I never would have needed to find Jodie. I’d have had no reason to dig deeper into his hidden life and discover his secret family.
And right now, despite how painful all of this is, I can’t imagine my life without her.
Big words, seeing as I’ve only known her a short time, I know. But they’re the truth.
It only took one look, one touch, one word for me to realise how strong the connection was between us.
It’s wrong. All of it is so fucked up.
I should walk away from her and just keep moving. Let her try to rebuild her life however she wants without me.
But I can’t.
She’s mine.
She’s mine, and there’s no way I can walk away from her.
Even if she tries to make me.
I let out a sigh and close my eyes, regretting it instantly when the image of that cunt from last night fills my eyes once more and my anger burns red-hot through my veins.
If I didn’t already know that he’d been cleared away, I’d fucking go back and shoot the motherfucker again.
No one touches what’s mine.
But even with images of all the ways I could have ended that sick fuck in a much less humane fashion last night and the cold assaulting my body, I somehow manage to give into my exhaustion.
But it’s anything but restful as nightmares fill my mind, images of last night, of Jodie sobbing on my bathroom floor, meld with memories of my childhood.
“You disrespectful little shit,” Dad groans, his fingers curling in my shirt at the back of my neck, causing it to tighten around my throat.
If I were any other kid, I might panic. But it’s not the first time something like this has happened, and I’m sure it won’t be the last where I fear he might just take it too far and finally just put an end to my misery.
I stumble forward, my body shutting down long before the sight of the basement door appears before me.