“But why?” I whisper, still staring at the old wooden tabletop before me. It’s been sitting in this exact position all my life. It’s got all our writing etched into it from where we always pressed too hard to write, small drawings that Joe and I created when we were little.
Reaching out, I trace some of Joe’s childish writing from when we were kids, my chest aching with loss.
“He’s not a monster, Jodie. He’s just—”
“A sadistic fuck who needed to—”
“A broken little boy in a man’s body,” Mum interrupts.
“Christ,” I mutter, reaching for my cocktail and knocking it back in one. “You really are naïve, aren’t you?”
Her eyes flash with indignation, but she thankfully bites her tongue.“I know you think I’m a terrible judge of character but—”
“Jonas used to lock Toby in their basement as punishment.” Mum pales at my revelation. “He controlled every aspect of Maria’s life. Her treatment for a brain tumour. He forced the man she loved and her own daughter out of the country so she had to live eighteen years without her baby.”
Mum swallows nervously, but her eyes don’t leave mine.“That’s exactly why Toby isn’t like him.”
“How can you say that?” I shout, the chair I was sitting on toppling to the floor behind me as I stand. “You’re meant to be on my side here, Mum. He set me up for stealing from my employer. He took all our money. He watched as we grieved, as we suffered, knowing it was his fault. He… he s-showed m-me—” A sob cuts off my words and I slam my lips closed.
I have no idea why I’m hiding the fact that Jonas is alive—or at least, he was last week—from her. But something feels wrong about confessing that I’ve seen him.
“For all we know, Toby killed him.”
“No, he’d have done it before now if it were that easy.”
“Jesus, Mum,” I seethe. “I can’t believe you’re on his side.”
“I’m not on his side. I’m on yours, baby, always. I just think that he’s not the total monster you’ve pegged him to be.”
“I swear to God, there’s something fucking wrong with you,” I announce. “He hurt me, Mum. He ripped my heart out and stomped on it just for the fucking fun of it. You’re meant to be sitting here threatening his life for causing me even more pain than I was already in. Not fighting for him. Not trying to make me give him another chance.”
“I’m not trying to make you do anything, Jodie,” she bites back. “I just want you to see that there are two sides to this, that you’re not the only one who’s hurting.”
“Why do you care? You don’t even know him.”
“I know how much he meant to you, and I know how much he suffered, and I can’t help but partly feel guilty about that. If I hadn’t just sat back and accepted how my life with Jonas was, maybe I could have—”
“Guilt. Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I don’t know, Jodie. I don’t know how to feel. Last week I was mourning my loving partner. This week I discover that he was a monster who basically killed my son.”
I gasp, not realising she knew that.
“Toby told me. He told me how Jonas turned Joe into a monster, got him to do his bidding. The man I loved my entire life did that to our own child. I don’t— I didn’t—” She falls back into the chair and drops her head into her hands. “And now I’ve lost you too, and I don’t know what to do,” she sobs.
My heart fractures for the broken woman before me, and suddenly I get it. She’s just as conflicted over all of this as I am.
While I hate Toby for what he did, that affection, that desire is still tingling right under my skin.
The connection we shared. It was something. Something strong. And I’m not sure how I’m meant to just snuff that out like it never existed.
“I know, Mum. I know,” I say, dropping to my knees in front of her and pulling her hands from her face. “We’re going to get through all this. We are.”
She nods, tears continuing to drop from her lashes. “I’m sorry for pushing.”
“It’s okay. I know you’re just trying to help.”
“You’re always my priority, Jojo. Always. I hope you know that. I just… I want to help. I want us all to be able to move on from this, and despite never meeting him before, I kinda feel connected to him through it all.”