I study each of them as I eat, wondering if they’ve got their shit together, have a husband and a happy life, if they manage to juggle careers and motherhood, or if their days are filled with their kids’ smiling faces and putting all their focus on them.
I let everything else drift from my mind as my chicken slice vanishes before I even really taste it, and I reach down for my next warm bag.
I’m busy smiling to myself, watching the young kids having the time of their lives when a shiver runs down my spine.
Immediately, my back straightens and I square my shoulders.
“Shit,” I hiss to myself, feeling stupid for not just rushing back to Sara’s after doing what I needed to do.
My heart thunders in my chest and my skin prickles with goosebumps as I wait for the sound of footsteps on the pavement and for a shadow to fall over me.
But it never comes.
My phone burns a hole in my pocket and my fingers itch to reach for it, to demand he makes himself known and just say what he’s come to say.
In the end, my willpower loses to my irrational thinking and I pull it free, unlocking the screen and finding our last conversation.
My stomach turns over as I read our last few messages.
I was so angry at him that night. I wanted the truth from his lips so badly, but I never could have imagined how the night would go.
Jodie: I know you’re there.
I hesitate with my thumb over the send button, and I almost press it, but right at the last second, my phone vibrates with an incoming message that makes my breath catch in my throat.
Toby: I’m sorry.
“Not good enough,” I mutter to myself.
Toby: I know it’ll never be enough. Will never come close to making up for what I did, for how I hurt you. But I am sorry. My twisted need for revenge clouded my judgement, warped what was really important.
My heart races and my hand trembles as I stare down at his apology.
I haven’t seen him for a week, and despite being unable to forget a single moment of our final minutes together, deep down, I miss him.
In those few weeks, he became so important to me. He was the light in my darkness, my knight in shining armour.
My phone vibrates again, but this time with a call.
Emotion clogs my throat as I even consider hearing his voice, but when I look at the screen, I don’t find the photo I took of Toby at the cabin, but instead, my cousin’s bright, slightly drunk smile lights up my screen.
Swiping across, I lift it to my ear as I gather up my remaining paper bag and begin walking out of the park, away from him.
“At fucking last, Jojo. I’ve been going out of my mind.”
“Sorry, I just needed a few days,” I confess, keeping my head down, forcing myself not to look for him.
“I know, I get it. How are you doing?”
“I’ve booked my hair appointment, ready to start work,” I say, not really wanting to get into anything else.
“Well, that’s a start,” she says, relief filling her tone. “I know you’re probably not going to want to hear this, but you really need to go home and talk to your mum.”
“Something bad happened, didn’t it?”
“What? No. What makes you say that?
“Because you were both blowing up my phone last night like the world was coming to an end. Has she been kicked out?”
“N-no, it’s nothing like that. Nothing bad, I promise.”