“How about you assume I know nothing and tell me the truth like you should have done years ago,” I suggest, the bitterness of my tone leaving no space for argument.
Her sad, tired eyes hold mine and just a little guilt tugs at my heart. What I’m asking of her is going to hurt. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let her off.
“You already know most of this but… I first met your dad when I was fifteen. He was…” She sighs, her eyes getting this glassy, far off look as she takes herself back. “Larger than life. The bad boy all my friends and I went weak at the knees for.
“We’d just been to the cinema and literally walked into them loitering outside a corner shop, looking all angry and dangerous.
“The second our eyes connected, something changed. I always thought love at first sight was fantasy reserved for films and romance novels. But standing out there in that street, and at only fifteen, I knew. He was it.
“We started seeing each other from then on. Things got serious pretty fast. Your grandparents weren’t impressed when I first took him home, as I’m sure you can imagine.” A small smile graces her lips despite the loss darkening her eyes.
I think of my late grandparents. Prim, proper, and completely traditional in their ideals of the world. This isn’t the first time over the years that their disapproval of Mum’s partner has come up.
“I know this, Mum. What about the bit where you found out who he really was?” I prompt.
“Deep down, I always knew. There was a lot of gang trouble happening at that time around the city, so the day he turned up on my doorstep a broken mess, I was hardly surprised to discover his place in the world. I saw it that first night. The ultimate bad boy.”
I shake my head, memories of Toby’s face, the bruises on his body the night he rescued me from the coffee shop filling my mind.
“I think he expected the truth to scare me away. I was just sixteen when he finally told me, but there was nothing that could have separated me from him. I told him that I loved him, and that I would stand beside him through anything.”
She lifts her hand, catching a tear that finally falls.
“He was such a good man, Jodie. My everything.” My lips part to say something, but she beats me to it. “But I’m more than aware that he had many, many sides to him, and that we were very lucky to see the sweet guy that was mostly hidden beneath the surface.”
“Lucky?” I spit. “He married someone else. Lived an entirely different life. He lied to me and Joe for years, Mum. How can you not see how fucked up this is?”
“Trust me, baby. I see it. But…” She lets out a heavy sigh. “I never could let him go.”
Silence falls between us as I try to even comprehend what she’s telling me. That she loved him so much that she allowed all of this to happen.
“I already had Joe by the time the truth came out about his other life, although I had been suspicious for a while. I begged him to let me be a part of his life but he always refused. Told me that I didn’t have the right blood running through my veins for our relationship, our family, to be considered real in the eyes of the Family. But he had plans to change that. He assured me that one day, he would have enough power that he could do what he wanted, marry who he desired.”
“And you believed him enough to just sit back and wait?”
“I know how it sounds, Jodie. Trust me, I do. But I had a young child, a man I loved, a home. I was happy. None of it was conventional, but it worked. The time we had apart only made the times we had together all that much more powerful. It made our connection stronger.
“The only time I ever had a massive issue with the whole thing was when you were born.”
“Oh?” I ask, already knowing what’s probably going to follow.
“Although he never said the words, I knew he wanted boys. I might not have been able to provide the full Greek DNA he needed to produce the little heirs as he really craved, but he could still make his own little army.
“Just like with Joe, we never found out your sex beforehand, but the second you were born, placed in my arms and it was announced you were a girl, nothing but pure happiness and love covered your father’s face.
“I won’t lie, I was worried, but he never treated you any less than Joe, never loved you any differently.”
“But—” I prompt.
“But he felt a need to protect you in a way he never did with Joe.
“I was so angry when he came up with this story about you being someone else’s and not putting his name down on your birth certificate. But he was worried you’d somehow end up in the middle of his other life, and he didn’t want that for you.”
“So you both just lied to my face. For years.”
“I couldn’t argue about keeping you safe, baby.”
“And who would want me?” I say, the volume of my voice increasing with the sheer insanity of what I’m listening to. My gut twists as my mind takes me back to Toby’s flat.