“They wouldn’t, surely? After these past few weeks, I’m due some good karma.”
“I’ll keep everything crossed for you.”
“What about you?” she asks, pinning me with a look. I knew the question was coming but even still, I don’t really have an answer.
I shrug. I’ve spent the past week or so trying to figure out what I want out of my life, and not just in regard to Toby, but also my actual life. Uni, a career, a future.
This time last year, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I was well on my way to getting my place at the uni I’d dreamed of for years, and I had everything to look forward to.
Now, the thought of moving away, of leaving Mum, Bri, Sara, Toby, and starting my life over is the last thing I want.
It’s why I’ve spent an insane amount of time on the phone this week as I try to figure out my options with my deferred place.
Thankfully, my grades mean that I can almost have my pick of universities, but I don’t even know if I want it anymore. Years of studying, stress, deadlines. But then, what’s the alternative? Another job in a coffee shop with limited possibilities to further my career?
I always wanted the world. I was motivated, dedicated, and determined. But since losing Joe, learning the truth about my father, I’ve never felt so beaten down.
“I don’t know,” I confess. “I’ve got options. I just don't know what I really want.”
“I wish I had the answers for you, babe,” Bri sighs.
“I’m trying to take it one day at a time and just hope everything falls into place, but it’s hard.”
“I know.” She gives me a sympathetic smile.
It’s easy for her—she’s always known exactly what she’s wanted to do. She’s lived and breathed being a teacher from as early as I can remember. But while I knew I wanted uni, a career, I’ve never really pinpointed the exact thing I wanted to spend my life doing. My plan was always to get my business degree, hopefully discover the avenue I wanted to go down, and then find a job that would allow me to do my MBA as well.
But now… who the hell knows what I’m going to do?
“What about on the job front? You found anything?”
“I’ve got a couple of interviews lined up for next week, but nothing of any excitement. Another coffee shop, a restaurant.” Thankfully, now I don’t have the issue of being fired for stealing hanging over my head, I’ve had a little more luck. I’m relieved, because there’s no way I’m going back to Foxes. A shudder rips through me at the thought. I think my days vying to be a stripper are well and truly dead. Just another thing to mourn, I guess.
“What are your plans for the night?” Bri asks once we’ve both finished our coffees and contemplate leaving.
“Just gonna head home and hang with Mum, I guess. Unless you want help marking those?” I ask, nodding to the huge bag of papers she needs to go through.
“Wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, Jojo. You go home and chill. Maybe have some hot and steamy phone sex with that man of yours,” she teases.
“Things haven’t been like that,” I confess.
“No? But the chemistry between you usually burns bright enough to bring the fucking city down.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I didn’t say it wasn’t there, Bri. We’ve just not gone there.”
“Well, maybe you should. Bring a little excitement back into your life. I bet he’d love to see you at work with that vibrator I got you for Christmas.”
“You, Brianna Andrews, are a bad influence.”
She beams at me. “And that’s exactly why you love me."
Our first coffee soon turns into three and a panini each, and when we finally walk back out of the coffee shop toward the Uber that we ordered to take us both home, the sun has long set.
“Shit, what time is it?” I ask, pulling my phone from my bag and gasp. “Bri, why didn’t you say anything? You’ve got loads of work to do.”
She steps up to me and cups my cheek with her free hand.
“None of it is more important than making you smile, Jojo.”