JODIE
“Hey, this is a nice surprise,” Bri says as she finds me loitering outside the school she’s currently working at like a creep.
“I thought we could go for coffee,” I say with a smile. “I feel like I’ve hardly seen you. You know, aside from saving your arse last week.”
She cuts me a scathing look. “What happened to never talking about that again?”
“You really think that’s going to be possible?” I can’t help the smile that splits across my face as the image of her tied to that hotel bed and cursing a million painful deaths on the guy who put her there fills my mind.
Fair play to Nico, though. If his plan was to leave her with a lasting impression and a reason for revenge in order to see her again, then he hit the nail right on the head.
She’s gunning to wrap her hands around his throat for leaving her to the mercy of whoever she was brave enough to call for help.
I’ve been desperate to tell Toby what our best friends had been up to, but for some reason, I kept it back when we’ve chatted since, preferring to focus on us. The same couldn’t be said for when Stella agreed to come over last night for a chat. The whole situation just fell from my lips, much to her amusement.
I knew that I needed to not only work through this whole situation with Toby, but that I also needed to process her part in all of it, and I really appreciated her making the effort to come and talk to me. Although I can’t deny that it only made me miss Toby more.
What he did last Monday night wrecked me. But I understand.
I was a mess. My grief, my confusion, my overwhelming feelings for him… they had all collided and were sending me on a collision course to self-destruction, I’m sure.
I couldn’t see it.
But he could.
And he was right. Although hard, I’ve needed this time.
Mom and I have talked. Properly talked. About the past, what her life was really like and the things she experienced over the years with Jonas. She’s fully explained her reasons for being okay with him having another woman, and although I don’t necessarily agree, I do understand. She may have been treated better than Maria in all of this, but she’s still been manipulated by a master all the same.
We discussed Joe until we were both sobbing, emotional messes as we tried to dissect where everything went wrong with him. But even after hours of trying to pinpoint the moment, I don’t think one specific event was the turning point. Knowing what I know now about Jonas, I can’t help wondering if he had this plan all along, if his manipulation of his son started from the very first day he was born.
It’s also allowed me to think about him. The man who stole my heart when I thought it was too broken to even feel anything. But I quickly realised that this time wasn’t about focusing on all that good, on the way he picked me up and held me together. It’s about the bad. About the man who has my father locked in his basement, the man who only walked into my life because of the blood running through my veins. Of his plans for vengeance using me as a pawn in his game to hurt the man who spent his life hurting him in return.
Time and time again, I’ve tried to put myself in his shoes, tried to imagine how I would have reacted after all those years of abuse. But I can’t. I can’t, and don’t think I ever will fully comprehend just how much he’s suffered. And another surprise visit from Maria the other day only confirmed it.
Mum had mentioned that they were in contact, and when I first heard her downstairs, my heart jumped into my throat and I panicked, locking myself in my bedroom. I didn’t want to have to listen to her tell me how wonderful her son was, basically all the things I already knew. The issues we had ran deeper than anyone but the two of us could understand. Although Maria and Stella came hella close.
But eventually, I pulled up my big girl pants and headed downstairs. And fuck, am I glad I did.
She never once tried pleading Toby’s case for him. We just talked openly and frankly about our lives, our pasts, our experiences, and it helped me to understand the place Toby was coming from before we met.
When she left, it was with concern filling her eyes and fear written all over her face for where this was going to go with Toby. But still, she never said a word or tried to convince me of anything. And I liked her all the more for it.
Bri follows me to a coffee shop a few streets down from her school and finds us a table, dumping her overloaded bags onto the floor before falling into the chair dramatically as I stand in line and laugh at her antics.
“So,” I say, lowering her coffee and a muffin I feel like she probably needs in front of her. “What’s new?”
She lets out a heavy sigh.
“Nothing. I’ve been too swamped with work for anything exciting.”
“So no more hotel rendezvous with he who shall not be named?”
“No,” she spits. “And there won’t be. Ever again.” I hold her eyes, waiting for the truth to come out. So far, she’s held her tongue but I know there’s more to the story than she let on that night. “I was lonely, okay?” she blurts.
“So was I. You could have come and hung out with me.”
“No offence, Jojo, but it was V day. I’d had a date with Brad and was on a promise to have my brains thoroughly fucked out of me. A night watching bad rom-coms with you wasn’t going to cut it.”