My heart jumps into my throat as I’m once again reminded of just how serious this is. She might have been given the all clear, but I’m achingly aware that it could change at the drop of a hat.
They were less than confident at one point that we’d even get this far. Every day really is a blessing at this point.
Rushing to her side, I drop into the chair and take her hand in mine.
“The doctor said you’re in here because you’re exhausted, Mum,” I chastise, letting her know with my tone just how I feel about that.
She stares at me, the circles under her eyes heavy and dark, her skin pale.
“I overdid things,” she confesses. “I just really want to get everything sorted so we can move on.”
“This happened because of him?”
“There are just things that need sorting with his… demise.”
“None of that needs to be on you, Mum. Damien and I are sorting—”
“Toby,” she cuts me off. “Let me be your mum, please. I’ve lost so much time. I want to do this. I want to get our lives back on track.”
“I know, but you need to not end up in here doing it.”
Clasping both her hands in mine, I squeeze in the hope that she can’t feel the rage that’s surging through me.
“I’m sorry I worried you.”
“Mum,” I breathe, resting my brow against her knuckles. “I’m sorry I didn’t get us out sooner.”
“This isn’t on you,” she argues. “It was my job to protect you.”
“You were ill.”
“You’re my baby and I failed you.”
I shake my head, refusing to place any of the blame for our lives on her. She was trapped just as much as I was.
“Will you do something for me?” she asks softly.
“Anything,” I promise her.
“Put an end to it. To him,” she adds in a whisper so quiet I almost miss it. “I understand why you’re all doing what you’re doing. Trust me—if I could, I’d be doing the same. But it’s killing you, Toby. He’s continuing to haunt you and you’re allowing it to happen.”
“But I—” I start, but she doesn’t allow me to continue.
“You’ve got a new girl in your life. Don’t you want to be focusing all your efforts on her, not your need for vengeance? It shouldn’t be at the expense of your future, your happiness.”
“That’s not—”
“Toby,” she sighs. “I can see it in your eyes. You need to put an end to it and move on before it ends up dragging you under.” I hold her eyes, silently begging her to let me do this my way, but she won’t budge. “Promise me. You’re just dragging out the pain. For both of us.”
Releasing her hand, I slump back in the chair, tipping my face toward the ceiling. She knows I can’t deny what she asks of me.
God damn it.
My fist clench as I think about walking into his cell and finally putting a bullet between his brows. It’s what I’ve wanted to do for years now. To stand over him and watch the life drain out of his eyes as he stares up at me, knowing that I was the one to end him after all the pain, the manipulation, and control.
But now, after discovering just how bad it all really was, a single bullet isn’t enough. I need his heart ripped out before I finally let him go to hell. I need him to feel as betrayed and ripped apart as we have all these years.
Images of the person who’s going to help me do exactly that flash through my mind. The feelings she stirs up within me might have morphed into something different compared to when I first came up with my plan, but ultimately, my end goal here is watching him lose his last shred of hope and seeing that same pain in his eyes that I’ve seen in Mum’s for years. And that need is strong enough to make me push everything else aside.
“Fine,” I agree. “I’ll get it done. And I’ll talk to Damien about everything else.” I hold her eyes, my face a cold mask as I stare at her. “Because you need to let go of it all too. Focus on Galen, on Stella, on your future.”
“Deal,” she says, holding her hand out to me like she used to do when I was little and we’d agreed on a plan of action.
Reluctantly, I slip my hand into hers and we shake on it.
“To the future without that poisonous rat in our lives."
I nod in agreement, thoughts already spinning around in my mind about how I can speed things up and put an end to all of this sooner than I first planned.