26
Isa
My stomach rolled as I sat up in bed, the sun shining in through the windows feeling particularly blinding as I fought back the exhaustion that battered my body. My legs ached, the joints popping as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and gripped the mattress desperately while I tried to work up the strength to stand.
I wanted to sleep for a week, to sprawl out and let my body recover while I rested so I wouldn't have to force it to move or feel every place that hurt.
"You should stay in bed and rest," Rafe reprimanded as he stepped out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam.
I shook my head, pushing myself to my feet and swallowing back my queasiness. "You said I could call my family," I reminded him, moving toward the bathroom. "Please don't tell me that was a lie."
"You can call them later today," Rafe said as I stepped into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face and brushed my teeth. Rafe was dressed by the time I stepped out, wrapped in my orchid satin robe. He sat in the chair next to the bed, his cell phone held in his hands. He twirled it absently and waited for me to sit on the bed in front of him. "You should spend the morning considering what you plan to tell them. It's the middle of the night for them."
"What am I allowed to tell them?" I asked. "Can they know where I am? Can I tell them your name?"
"You can tell them whatever you want,mi reina," he murmured, tucking my hair behind my ear as he studied the tired lines on my face. "You can tell them I kidnapped you, if that's what you want to do. It won't make a difference to me, but if you want us to be able to have a relationship with them in the future, I would suggest refraining from giving them the full truth."
"You mean I should lie to them?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "What good will knowing all the details of our marriage do for them? They can't change it any more than you can, and no matter how we got here, you had the chance to walk away."
I scoffed. "I just had to kill you to do it."
He caught my chin in his grip, a soft smile transforming his face. The hostility of the day before was gone, vanished from his face, and he appeared almost serene as he gazed down at the tattoo on my arm and the rings on the finger of my opposite hand. "I meant every word when I said that I will not live without you, my wife. It may be toxic. It's probably unhinged, but it is never going to change. The greatest kindness you can do for your family is protecting them from the reality of our life together."
I nodded, knowing there was truth to his words. My grandmother would be crushed to know that I wouldn't come home to live in Chicago and continue our legacy with the Menominee community as it was. Knowing that it was because of a crime and she was unable to help me would only break her more.
I couldn't risk her sadness, not when the consequences of it might mean I never got to see my family again. As much as it pained me to admit it, I would only see them when Rafael determined it acceptable. "When can I see them?"
"You mean when will I take you home to visit them? I'm not sure I can put a time stamp on that. It depends on too many factors," he said as he stood from the chair. I followed, getting dressed for the day while he watched.
As soon as I pulled the dress over my head, he stepped into my space and claimed my lips with his. The memory of the feeling of the barrel of a gun against my temple flashed through my mind, a vivid recollection of all the toxicity that was our relationship.
I should have thrown something at him. I should have fought off his embrace. Instead I sank into the feeling of his mouth moving against mine. The plump flesh of his bottom lip tensed lightly as it tipped up into a smile when he felt my unwavering devotion in the intimacy between us. He was nothing if not over-confident in the connection we shared.
It didn't matter to Rafael that I still hadn't given him the words to tell him I loved him. He didn't need to hear them, because he felt them every time my body yielded to his touch.
Even still, I'd protect the words deep inside myself. I'd shove them down to the place where I hid the secrets I kept. With the demons that lurked in my past.
"I have to get to work," he said ruefully as he pulled his mouth away from mine. With our foreheads touching and his eyes closed peacefully, I stared up at the devil himself. I studied the peace on his face, wondering if he suddenly seemed so at ease because he'd claimed me as fully as he always wanted to.
With his name on my skin and his rings on my finger, the last way to make me his would be to impregnate me.To breed me. And given his insistence on not using condoms, even that was an inevitability.
"So, go," I said, a teasing lilt surprising even me as he flung his eyes open and stared down at me in amusement.
"I don't want to be away from you," he murmured, the words caressing my skin with the freshness of minty breath.
I smiled up at him, the demented part of me enjoying the reminder of the softer, sweeter Rafe who had showed me Ibiza before reality crashed down around us. "I think you've got it bad, Mr. Ibarra," I teased.
He grinned down at me, running his nose up the side of mine sweetly before catching my bottom lip between his teeth and nipping me lightly. "I think you do too, Mrs. Ibarra," he said back, making my heart pause in my chest at the sound of the name. Knowing it and hearing it were two very different things, and I didn't think I'd ever get used to the sound of Rafael's surname in reference to me.
I shouldn't be his wife. I should be single, waiting for a boring accountant to come and sweep me off my feet into a life of normalcy where I didn't have to wonder if my husband would put a gun to my head the next time I said no to him.
Rafael was a sociopath, uncaring about how his actions affected the people around him, least of all me. He was unstable, driven by rage and violence and his own selfishness. But what did it say about me that I looked into the eyes of a nightmare and loved him?
I was unstable too.
"Maybe," I murmured, refusing to admit to the emotions swirling in me as he stepped back hesitantly and held out a hand for me. I tried to drive my anger higher, to get back to the place where I wanted nothing more than revenge for the way he'd terrified me. Instead, all I could think of was the warm comfort of his hand surrounding mine. Of the way he enveloped me so firmly.