"I wouldn't even know what to wear to something like this," I laughed.
"It's by the pool!" Chloe said, shoving her invite in my face as if I couldn't read the words on my own.
Meet me in the moonlight.
Was it normal for an invitation to seem so personal?
"A bikini and some kind of coverup is the typical dress code," the man agreed.
"I don't own a—"
"I brought you one. Thank you!" Chloe chimed as Hugo stepped forward and took another invitation from the man who scowled at him. He said nothing, as it was simply decided that he'd be attending any party along with us. That they seemed more inclined to invite women didn't bode well, but there was no diminishing Chloe's high.
"I've heard of this hotel," she squealed as Hugo led us to the elevators at the side of the lobby. "It'sthehotel in Ibiza. I can't believe we got invites."
"I just want to take a nap," I protested. It wasn't that I didn't want to enjoy my time in Ibiza. I absolutely wanted nothing more than to step outside my comfort zone and experience what life could be like if I let myself enjoy it.
Just not right that second and not jumping into the deep end with a moonlit pool party.
"You've got plenty of time," Hugo said with a chuckle as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gave me an odd look. "In typical Ibiza fashion, the party doesn't start until midnight."
"I'm usually in bed by then," I snapped, shrugging off his shoulder. "What's up with you? What's with the faces?" I asked, jabbing him in the side with an aggressive finger.
"He's probably just wondering how we can convince you to lose your v-card tonight," Chloe said as the elevator doors closed us into the tight space.
“I'm really not,” Hugo groaned. “Please don't make me think about her sex life.”
“I don't have a sex life,” I said, rolling my eyes as Chloe's face filled my vision.
"That changes tonight," she said. "We're in fucking Ibiza, Isa. Going to a party full of wealthy men who probably knowhowto fuck. Don't be the virgin when you go off to college. Please," she begged.
I bit my lip, wondering what was so wrong with being a virgin. Watching my friends have their hearts walked all over throughout school by boy after boy, I had to think I was the lucky one. It wasn't like I was waiting because I believed my one true love would come to sweep me off my feet.
It just hadn't happened.
It was hard to be interested in high school boys when I dreamt of phantom hands reaching out from the inky darkness to wrap me in a suffocating embrace. It was hard to want a boy to hold my hand at the movie theater when I woke up in a sweat after dreaming of hands on my throat.
How could a man ever compare to a phantom who didn't exist?
"Fine," I groaned as we stepped out of the elevator and made our way down the hall. I wouldn't give it up to just any man. He couldn't touch me in the way I wanted, not if I wanted to remember who I was supposed to be, but I didn't want someone to make love to me, either.
My life was a juxtaposition of reality and desire, and of using one to beat back the other daily. Phantom shadows stood everywhere, calling me to the dark. Pulling me from the depths of memories better left in my past.
As Chloe pushed open the door to our room, I moved into the space and dropped my suitcase by one of the beds.“Estoy enfermo,”I joked, likely butchering the pronunciation and looking away from Hugo as he smirked at me.
“You’re not sick,” he laughed. “We won’t let you stay in the hotel room tonight,entiende?”
“Claro,” I sighed, refusing to look back at him. I wished I knew more than just the basic Spanish he’d taught me, and would have loved nothing more than to curse him out in his first language.
Hugo said his goodbyes, going to the room next to ours to get some sleep before the party. I knew it wasn’t worth the effort to fight. I stared out the window, looking at the center of Ibiza Town in the distance while my face burned with the heat of the sun.
Then I turned and went to take my nap, hoping it would rejuvenate me enough that the dark side of desire stopped calling to me.