“Wait for it.” She winks at me.
Matthias sits in silence for a few minutes and I obviously forgot how this kid’s mind works.
“Are you going to kiss?” he suddenly asks.
“Lots,” Lucia replies.
“Like Papa and Nana?”
“Yes.”
He makes a slightly disgusted face which makes me laugh and then I sit back and watch as Matthias asks his mom one hundred and one questions about what she just told him.
“Can we get a puppy? Like Blue?”
“No.”
“Will Jax take me to kindergarten?”
“Sometimes.”
“Will we have sleepovers at Jax’s house?”
“Yes.”
“Can we go to the beach in Jax’s truck?”
“Yes.”
“Will Jax have his own toothbrush?”
“Yes.”
The questions are endless and she answers each one with patience and a smile—I can’t believe how much I love this woman. But then he directs his final question to me.
“Will you be my new daddy?”
I sense Lucia bristle beside me. I open my mouth but for a few seconds nothing comes out. How the hell do I answer that? I go with my gut and hope I’m saying the right thing.
“If you want me to be, buddy, it would be my honor.”
He smiles at me but Lucia pushes back her chair and walks to the kitchen counter. I look over at her but she’s facing away from me with her hands splayed on the worktop. I can tell from the rhythmic movements of her shoulders that she’s crying.
Fuck! Have I blown this already?
“Why don’t you go round up some dinosaurs in your room and we’ll play before dinner?” I wink at Matthias.
“Sure.” He jumps from his chair and runs off to his room.
I walk over to her and stand behind her, placing my hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, Luce. I should have let you take that one, too.”
She shakes her head and a loud sob escapes her throat. “Luce?” I plead. I pull her up and turn her to face me and she buries her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing me tightly.
So, I haven’t fucked up? “What is it, Angel?” I press a kiss on the top of her head.
“This is too much, Jax,” she breathes.
I sigh deeply. I shouldn’t have rushed this but I want to spend the rest of my life with her and her amazing kid. How do I pretend that I don’t? “You want to go slower?”