“Talk to me, Angel,” I say instead as I wrap my arms around her.
“It was the first time I wanted to do it, Jax.” She looks up at me with her huge brown eyes wet with her tears and I can’t help squeezing her tighter as every muscle in my body tenses. “I’ve done it once before, though.”
“Okay,” I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady and calm and not betray the anger that is bubbling in my chest.
“It was my thirteenth birthday. My oldest brother, Luca.” She shudders at the mention of his name and I swear if that cunt wasn’t already dead I would make him feel pain like he had never imagined possible. “When I was younger him and Sammy, well they would bully me and hit me and stuff, but when I got older and started you know, filling out, Luca started to look at me different. I didn’t know what it was at first, just that it made me feel really uncomfortable. I used to do whatever I could to avoid him.” She draws in a shaky breath and I sit in silence while I wait for her to go on, even though I know what she’s going to tell me and the anger that I feel burns me from the inside out.
“He would corner me sometimes and press up against me, rubbing his dick on me. I used to try to fight him off, but he was so much bigger than me. He said it was my fault because I provoked him. I tried to do everything not to, but not matter how I dressed or how quiet I was, he would always find a reason to do it. I kind of got used to it, you know?” She blinks at me.
No, I don’t know how it feels to have to get used to your older brother groping you every chance he got, but I don’t say that. “Go on, baby,” I say instead.
“This night, he’d been out drinking and I was reading in the den. I didn’t get many presents but an old friend of my mom’s bought me the Harry Potter books from the thrift store and I was so engrossed reading them that I stayed up too late.”
My heart feels like it is going to break into a million pieces for her. Everything about what she just said makes me want to protect her and spoil her for the rest of her goddamn life.
“I must have fallen asleep because I woke up and he was pulling my jeans off.” She takes another deep breath and my knuckles feel like they might pop out of my skin from how hard my fists are clenched.
“I fought, Jax. I tried but he was so strong. I scratched his face and he slapped me and called me a tease. The next thing I knew he was on top of me, his breath stinking of beer and his big ugly hands pulling at my panties. I told him I was on my period and he laughed at me. He said he would never fuck me anyway because I was disgusting and that he couldn’t even bear to look at me. That was when—” She gulps loudly, a deep sob bubbling up from her throat and I pull her tighter to me, pressing my lips against her temple.
“It’s okay, baby. There’s only you and me here,” I whisper.
She nods at me, tears running freely down her cheeks. “He turned me onto my stomach and then he pushed it inside me. It hurt so much, I thought I was going to die. It felt like a hot poker pulling my insides out. I didn’t even know you could do that there. God, I was so naïve,” she says with a shake of her head.
“No. You were thirteen. You shouldn’t have known about that.”
She leans against my chest and I wrap my arms tightly around her. I wish I’d known about it earlier. Would I have still done what I did before? Yes, at some point, but I would have checked in with her more. I would have done a little more before and after care.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Luce?” I ask as I brush her hair.
“I don’t think about it—I don’t let myself think about any of the horrible things he did to me. I mean I know they happened, but I’ve buried them deep, you know? And then earlier, when you said that’s what you wanted, I didn’t want it to spoil anything between us.”
“Lucia,” I say against her hair. “Nothing about your past could do that. You should have told me.”
“Are you honestly telling me that the night would have ended the same way? That you wouldn’t have been thinking about him the whole time?” She sniffs. “And then I would have been thinking about you thinking about him, instead of us being able to enjoy what was happening.”
“I’m sorry if you weren’t ready,” I say. I should have fucking checked and not assumed.
“I was ready, Jax,” she snaps. “This is what I was afraid of.” She pulls back from me.
“What?” I frown at her.
“That you would start seeing me differently. Treating me differently.”
“Hey,” I snap her from her mini tirade and pull her back to me. “That is not what this is about. But, yes I would have handled this differently.”
“And that’s what I’m afraid of, Jax. Because what we did before was perfect,” she breathes as she places a warm hand on my cheek. “Now show me how much you still want me.”
I flip her over onto her back before she can even finish that sentence. “Don’t,” I growl.
“Don’t what?” she blinks at me.
“Don’t even think about going there, Lucia.” I nudge her thighs apart and settle between them, my hardening cock pressing against her slick pussy. “You think I could ever not want you?”
“Show me, Jax,” she breathes as she claws at the skin on my neck.
“You are fucking perfect,” I groan as I grind against her clit, making her whimper. “Your pussy. Your ass. Your mouth. No one will ever fuck you or touch you ever again. Every single part of you belongs to me. You got that?”
“Yes,” she groans.