She placed her hand over his, but as the joy throbbed heavily in her chest right behind it was the brutal weight of sadness, the hollow ache she had struggled to come to terms with for so long.
‘Okay,’ she said.
She wanted Jack to be part of his baby’s life. And whatever had made him change his mind, she would always be grateful for it. But she knew there was so much else she wanted from him that she could never have. And she couldn’t let the hope back in again, or it would destroy her.
‘Thank you,’ he said, his head dropping down until his forehead rested on her belly. He caressed the bump, his shoulders shuddering with the release of emotion. ‘I’m so sorry for being such a coward.’
‘Jack, it’s okay.’ She touched a shaky hand to his head and let her fingers stroke the short silky strands, her heart shattering in her chest. ‘I would never stop you from being a part of the baby’s life. You can come with me to the scans from now on. And once the baby’s born you can have all the visitation rights you want.’
He lifted his head suddenly, dislodging her hand. ‘But I don’t want visitation rights,’ he said.
‘Why not?’ she asked, her throat so clogged with emotion now, she could barely talk.
He whisked away the tear that had fallen from her lid. ‘Because I want us to be a family. I want to move in with you, have a real marriage, stop running and start building something that will last.’
‘Really?’she said but, even as the balloon of hope expanded so much that it began to hurt, the insecurities she thought she’d jettisoned so long ago flooded back.
‘Of course, Katherine,’ he said, as if the answer she had failed to grasp was obvious. His face softened. ‘I’ve been an idiot. Too much of a coward, to tell you the truth. That I was terrified of becoming a father. Because I didn’t know how...’
‘Having met your biological father,’ Katherine said, the anger that still lingered after their encounter with Daniel Smyth sharpening her words, ‘I understand why you might be wary. But you’re not like him, Jack. You never could be.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘Which is why I told my broker to sell the damn shares on the way here. I don’t want any part of his company. Not even to tear it to pieces.’
‘You...you don’t? But why?’
‘Because you were right,’ he said, his eyes shining. ‘I don’t need my revenge if I can have you instead.’ His hand caressed the mound of her belly. ‘And this fella too.’
His eyes met hers and she could see every single thing he was thinking for the first time ever... She saw sincerity, desire, fierce determination, even fear, but most of all desperate, unguarded hope.
‘I need you, Katherine,’ he said. He thrust his fingers through his hair, looking momentarily dumbfounded. ‘Hell, I think I started to fall for you that first night when you were wearing that ridiculous outfit and I couldn’t even see you properly. But I could sense your bravery and your boldness and I knew I wanted you, more than anything in the world.’ He groaned.
‘You...you do?’ she croaked, so shocked by the heartfelt declaration, she could barely breathe, let alone think. But the insecurities were still there, asking... How could she trust him? How could she be enough, when she never had been for anyone before now?
‘Yeah,’ he said. His hand, trembling with emotion, gripped hers so tightly, it was as if he was holding her heart. ‘I do.’
She shook her head but, despite the love that flooded through her, she tugged her fingers out of his. ‘How can you be sure?’
‘What? What do you mean?’ he asked, his voice raw.
‘How do you know I’m enough now, when I wasn’t before?’
‘Stop it, Katherine,’ he said, looking desperate again. ‘I’m telling you I love you. Why won’t you believe me? Is this something to do with that bastard Medford? You think I’m like him?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘But...’ She stared at him, her heart breaking. But she couldn’t back down again, couldn’t just accept this at face value. ‘Maybe it is. I always thought I’d got over his rejection. That it didn’t matter to me. But maybe I never stopped being that girl in some ways. Because I want to believe you, but I can’t.’
He took her hand again and held it, his gaze steady, direct, unbreakable. ‘Tell me what I need to do to make it right.’
She eased herself onto her elbows until she was sitting up. ‘Can you...can you tell me what Daniel Smyth did to make you hate him so?’
‘I don’t hate him. I don’t even care about him any more. I told you that,’ he said, but she could hear the defensiveness. And knew she needed to know all of it if she was ever going to put her doubts to rest. She needed to know he trusted her enough to let her in. All the way in. It was a big ask. She got that. And maybe this was about her insecurities as much as his. But she deserved to know or she would never be able to let go of the thought that she was still just a port in a storm, someone he might decide to discard again.
‘I know.’ She touched his scarred cheek, her heart breaking as she felt him lean into the caress instinctively. ‘And I believe you. But I still want to meet that boy. To know him. To understand him.’
So I can love all of him, if he’ll let me.
‘You don’t want to know him. Believe me,’ he said, the bitterness thick in his tone. ‘He was a little—’
‘No, he wasn’t,’ she interrupted him. ‘He was scared and alone, the way I was. What did he do to you, Jack?’
‘Daniel Smyth tried to force my mother to have an abortion.’ The words guttered out, making the anguish tighten in her belly. Oh, no.
‘She didn’t, obviously, or I wouldn’t be here. But that’s how she ended up with my stepfather. She wasn’t self-sufficient like you are,’ he said, his voice so quiet, it barely registered. But still she felt the jolt of pride at the approval in his tone, her doubts starting to drift away. He had always seen her for who she really was, had always admired the things about her her father had despised. How could she have forgotten that?
‘Is that why you insisted on marrying me?’ she asked, touched beyond belief. He had been showing her all along, who that boy was, and she hadn’t even realised. ‘Because he’d refused to help her?’
He stared at her, his gaze guarded again. ‘Well, it’s not the only reason.’ He ran his palm over her belly again, caressing, sending the urgent desire through her body and making her smile. ‘I wanted you. And... I needed you. But I didn’t want to admit it. Not even to myself. Because it scared the hell out of me.’
‘Oh, Jack.’ She threw her arms around his neck, the happy tears flooding out—with no help whatsoever from the pregnancy hormones, for once. ‘Yes. I love you. Let’s be a family.’
‘Wait a minute!’ He drew back and held her at arm’s length, his gaze confused. ‘That’s it? That’s all you needed to hear?’
She nodded and grinned, despite the tears clogging her throat and rolling down her cheeks. ‘I’ve been an idiot too. You showed me that boy. I just didn’t see him. We’re equals. That’s all I needed know.’
‘Thank God,’ he said, then pulled her into his embrace and buried his face in her neck as she told him how much she loved him amidst watery kisses.
And when they finally got to look at their baby together for the first time, ten minutes later—and Jack bombarded poor Dr Patel with a ton of questions it would never even have occurred to Katie to ask—Katie knew for sure that neither of them would ever be alone again.
Because they had each other. Always.