Stress?
“I… yes,” she admitted, nodding. “I have. There’s been a lot going on. The custody hearing for Lacey. All the cases we’ve been working. Having to keep this all a secret, even though I knew you suspected something. And Amy, of course – getting her away from her abusive father, making sure it would stick this time. And…”
She almost said, and knowing that you were going to die soon, but not knowing how – but she stopped herself. That would be too far, right now. Too much for him to know. She would tell him, but… not yet. Not until he was comfortable with the concept as a whole.
If he got comfortable with it.
“Right,” Nate said. “And I know that is a heavy burden to bear. All that stress. I'm sure you haven't been sleeping properly. You've been fighting not to take a drink, too, and I know that's been hard for you. It’s been a lot, hasn't it?”
“Of course,” Laura said, staring at him in a way that she was sure made her look stupid. Where was he going with this? It was like he hadn't reacted at all to the news that she was psychic, not after first declaring it a lie. Was he convinced it was true, now? Did he believe her? Or...
“And in our line of work?” Nate shook his head. “Law enforcement people like us need therapy at the best of times, Laura. The things that we have to deal with on a daily basis, I don't need to tell you. They can be overwhelming. There’s a reason that they encourage us to go for counseling, you know.”
“I know,” Laura said, tilting her head slowly as she looked at him. Was he saying...?
“The thing is,” Nate said, steepling his hands together in front of himself, leaning in and looking at her intently. “There's no shame in it, no shame at all. The most important thing is that you get the help you need. And if you've been seeing things, especially things that disturb you, you should talk to someone about it.”
“I'm telling you right now,” Laura said, holding on desperately to the slim sliver of hope that he actually did believe her for just a second longer, even though she knew she was only being dense.
“No, not me,” Nate said, rubbing the light stubble around his chin with one hand before looking at her intently again. “Laura, I think you need to go and see a professional. Someone who can really help you out with all of this. Like I said, there's no shame in it. I saw the counselor for a few sessions after my first shot fired in the line of duty. It's never easy, dealing with something like that. And you've had your share of it. We probably should have seen this sooner, made sure that you had someone to talk to earlier on.”
“I…” Laura paused, staring at him. She felt like a fish in a tank. Her eyes as wide open as her mouth was. And him, staring back at her like she was a freak.
No, not like that, she realized. If he believed her, that was when he would probably look at her like a freak.
He was looking at her with pity. Like she needed help.
She couldn’t believe it. She’d finally come clean, told him the truth like he wanted. And now…
It would have been one thing for him to yell at her. To tell her to quit lying. To stop trying to pull the wool over his eyes. But he was just sitting there, looking at her like she was someone damaged, someone broken, who needed help getting put back together.
He believed her. At least, he believed that she thought she was telling the truth. He’d just skipped right on to believing she was delusional.
“Nate,” Laura said, taking a breath, trying to measure her words more. Maybe if she sounded less panicked. Maybe if she talked him through it, step by step. “I’m not… seeing things. Not like that. It’s real. I see what’s going to happen, and then it happens. Or, it doesn’t – so long as we step in and change it. It’s an ability I have.”
“You have damn good intuition, Laura,” Nate said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with this. Let’s talk to Rondelle when we’re next at HQ, alright? There are free sessions you can take up as part of the Bureau. He’ll want to make sure you’re being looked after; I know he will. Just hang in there until then. We’ll get you through this.”
Laura opened her mouth to try again, but then closed it. What was the point? He’d already made up his mind. He didn’t believe it was true.
Who would?
No one would ever think it was possible for her to see the future like that. It sounded like something out of a movie. A fairy tale. A complete myth. In all the years she’d been searching, Laura had never even been able to find someone else with the same abilities that she had. And now, she was expecting Nate to believe her?
He was an FBI agent. A man who dealt in facts, proof, evidence. And she had none. She couldn’t prove what was inside her own head. Couldn’t show it to him.
Laura got up from her seat.
“Are we… okay now?” she asked. She didn’t need to put on the way her voice shook or add doubt to her eyes. She had come here to fix their relationship. If she hadn’t even managed to do that…
“We’re okay,” Nate promised her, getting up to walk her to the door. His voice was gentle. It made her want to scream. “Just so long as you get the help you need, this is all going to work out. See? It wasn’t so bad in the end, telling me.”
“No,” Laura said, distantly. “I guess not.”
But as she turned to walk back to the door, back to her car, there was almost a numbness settling over her.
He hadn’t believed a single word she’d said.
Was she ever going to be able to find someone who would help her with this burden she had to carry? Someone who would understand?