Laura bit her lip, concentrating on following the GPS so that she could find her way to the place they had been told they could find Caleb Rowntree. He was supposedly at home right now, and the quicker they got there, the quicker they could interrogate him. The quicker, therefore, they could get home again once they had proven he was the murderer. She said nothing, half wishing that Nate would just give up and leave the sentence dangling in the air alone, and half knowing that he would continue even if she did not reply.
“It's just,” he said. “How did you know the password?”
“I told you,” Laura said, using the excuse of checking her mirrors and switching lanes as a distraction. “I just got lucky. She said that Hollywood was the most important thing in her sister's life, and some unusual keys on the keyboard had worn down, so it made sense.”
“You can see why I need to ask,” Nate said. His tone was fair yet pleading. He wanted her to just tell him the truth. He wanted her to stop hiding away. She knew that was what he wanted, was what he had wanted for a long time. But it didn't mean that she could just give in as easily as all that. “It's just one more thing, isn't it? You always know how to do these things. Things that no one else ever thinks of.”
“Well, maybe I'm just a better agent then the other people you're comparing me to,” Laura said dismissively, regretting it as soon as the words had come out of her mouth. It wasn't fair. Not only did it make the people they worked with seemed like idiots, but it also reflected badly on Nate himself, who of course had had no chance of guessing the password either. And it wasn't just that she was a better agent. She really did have help. She just couldn't admit that right now.
“You’re a good agent, Laura,” Nate said, his tone just a touch reproving. “But so am I.”
Laura felt herself sagging slightly over the steering wheel. He never pushed her too far, never demanded the truth. It was always gentle like this, a push from a friend. If he had screamed and shouted at her, it might have been easier. But instead, he carried on being nice, being kind, giving her chance after chance. He didn't deserve to be kept in the dark. She should tell him.
She just had to get up the nerve.
She didn't think she could get up the nerve.
He was the one person in her life she could really lean on, the one person she could trust with anything. Maybe because of that more than anything else, she couldn’t bear to risk him thinking she was crazy. Or worse – being afraid of her. On top of that, being her partner meant that he could also get her fired. Laura couldn’t lose her job and Nate at the same time. Especially not when those things combined would probably mean losing Lacey for good as well.
Laura opened her mouth to answer, not even sure quite what she was going to say but found herself cut off by the phone ringing in her pocket. She fished around for it with one hand, keeping the other on the steering wheel, and then thrust it out towards Nate. “Who is it?” she asked.
Nate took it and looked at the screen, but then hesitated. “It says Marcus,” he said.
Laura groaned. This was the last thing she needed right now. Her ex-husband trying to... what? Complain at her over the phone? Tell her off for something else she hadn't realized she had done? Remind her yet again that she couldn't see her own daughter?
But then again, there is always the risk that he was calling about Lacey. That Lacey was in trouble, in the hospital or worse. Laura could never miss one of his calls. She pulled over quickly to the side of the road, taking advantage of an emergency breakdown lane. She knew she wasn't supposed to stay parked up there for long, but at the end of the day, they were FBI agents. If they could take advantage of getting away with things that law enforcement would fine or even charge others for, in order to help out their families, they might as well.
“Hello,” Laura said answering the phone as quickly as she could before Marcus gave up and stopped trying to call.
“Hi, Mommy,” the voice came down the line.
Laura clamped her hand over her mouth immediately, holding back a cry of surprise and joy and pain. It wasn't Marcus on the other end of the line at all.
It was Lacey.
“Hello, sweetheart,” Laura said, just managing to keep her voice in check. Even so, to her own ears it sounded high pitched and strained. “Are you using Daddy's phone?”
“Yeah,” Lacey said, her sweet and innocent young voice reminding Laura of Amy. Both little girls had so much in common, from their age to their looks to the fact that Laura was supposed to be there for them. But Lacey was a little bit younger, and when Laura heard her voice, it pinched in her chest that much harder. “Daddy said I could call you for a few minutes.”
“Oh, well, that was nice of Daddy,” Laura said trying to keep herself steady. Beside her, Nate was shifting uncomfortably, looking like he wanted to get out of the car. With traffic rushing by them at all times, it wasn't a sensible option. But Laura saw and was grateful for his attempt to respect her privacy, even if he couldn’t actually carry it out
.
“Mommy, why are you on vacation for so long?” Lacey asked. She sounded half-distracted. Laura pictured her little girl playing with her toys while she talked, and that mental image together with Lacey’s question forced her to bite her tongue to stifle a sob.
On vacation. That must have been what Marcus had told her. That Mommy was on vacation for… for months. That’s how long it had been. Months.
“You know that Mommy’s job is stopping bad guys, don’t you?” Laura said, keeping her voice gentle. She wouldn’t go against what Marcus had said, but she wanted Lacey to know that she wasn’t just ignoring her daughter to lay in the sun.
“Yeah,” Lacey replied. “You stop them from doing bad stuff.”
“That’s right,” Laura said. She wiped a hand across her eyes, fighting the urge to sniff and give herself away. “And Mommy’s been stopping some bad guys all across America. There was another little girl who needed saving, too.”
“Did something bad happen to her?” Lacey asked, her voice piquing in concern.
“Yes, darling, but I stopped it from happening anymore,” Laura said. She didn’t want to scare Lacey. At her age, the question of whether another little girl was safe was also, in some ways, a question about whether she herself was safe. “Now there’s no need to worry.”
“Does that mean you’re coming home?” Lacey asked, and her voice was so full of hope that Laura had to dig her fingernails into her palm to keep from making a noise and steady her voice.