Chapter Twenty-One
Devyn
“You really don’t mind I want to stay here?” Talia asks, looking at me with concern out of the corners of her eyes.
It’s been seven days since Rick found me at the site, five days since he walked out on me, and four days since they discharged me after treating me for dehydration and a mild case of hypothermia. When I look at Talia, I feel so guilty for the sheer terror that coursed through my veins when I woke up thinking Stevie had followed through on her threat and hooked me on Sweet.
Talia lived through it, feels every second of her recovery.
I’m not as strong as she is.
We’re walking through one of the city parks, one, actually, that’s close to our old apartment. We used to spend a lot of time here during the first couple of months after she left rehab, before Bill fired me.
Looking back, that had been a godsend. I needed a sign to move Talia out of the city, and that was it in spades. She’s thrived in Portland—we both have—the smaller town giving us room to relax and slow down. I don’t believe two years out of the city is enough, but I’ve tried so hard to be a sisterly support and not her mother that if this is what she wants, I won’t try and stop her.
“I don’t mind,” I tell her honestly, shoving my hands into the pockets of my new jacket—a jacket Beau bought for me. Though my purse was intact when found, to be on the safe side, I canceled my credit cards and notified my bank I needed a new debit card. My cell phone was inside my purse as well, and I traded it in and changed my phone number.
The first call I made was to Barney explaining what happened and promising him the exclusive just as soon as I could find the time to sit down and write it. Beau’s been letting me rest, keeping an eye on me, but he wants to be alone with Talia and I don’t see any reason to hang around. After our walk, I’ll head out to Portland, give my notice to our property management, and commute to Old Harbor to work until I can relocate. Ten hours round trip won’t be pretty, but I won’t need to do it every day. There are a few things I’m going to have to do in person, but with the way things happened, I can start a lot earlier than February.
I didn’t see Rick dumping me, but here we are.
“Are you still moving to Old Harbor?” she asks.
“Yeah. Barney gave me a job, and I’m not going to thumb my nose at him. Besides, Old Harbor is big enough I won’t have to worry about bumping into Rick. He keeps to himself at the lighthouse, and I’ll find a small apartment out of his way.” I try to smile, but it doesn’t erase the misery in her voice.
“I’m sorry. I feel like I’m abandoning you. Why don’t you move back here? I overheard Rick talking to someone at the Times. Why didn’t you tell me Bill wanted to hire you again? If you worked here, I could still see you all the time.”
We pass a coffee kiosk located at the edge of a food truck area, and I order us two coffees and lots of cream. It smells delicious, and we both sip appreciatively before I answer.
“Stevie ruined the city for me, and maybe I’m petty but I don’t want to give the Times another chance. It was so satisfying to say it right to Bill’s face. When Neil Simpson said Stevie helped Declan Everett supply him with Sweet, I thought I finally had what I needed, but she’s untouchable. On the off chance they can charge Everett with something, maybe they’ll have a reason to look into her, too, but it’s unlikely. If I decide to pursue this, I’ll work on it with Barney, since I told him I’d help him clean up Old Harbor. Besides,” I say, nudging her with my elbow, “you’re going to be busy with Beau. The way he looks at you is nauseating. I’m glad to be getting out of your way. I just hope you keep on with school. Stevie took a lot from us. Don’t let her take any more.”
“He was unhappy after he came back from talking to Rick. He wants Rick to stay here. I wish the four of us could live in the same city.”
“Maybe one day Rick will move back. He’s still dealing with a lot of things, and he wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship with me.” I’ve tried to be practical about it. I’ve tried to explain away his dumping me with logic, and sometimes, when I’m lying on the couch in Beau’s living room in the middle of the night, I can. I never should have let Walt talk me into driving to Old Harbor for an interview in the first place, and the second Rick said he wouldn’t talk to me, I should have left instead of standing outside his lighthouse crying. I’d just felt so helpless I hadn’t known what else to do.
He said he wasn’t still in love with his ex-wife, but when she hears he wasn’t at fault for any of it, maybe she’ll find room in her heart to forgive him and they’ll get back together.
I want him to be happy.
That’s all.
“Maybe I should move to Old Harbor with you, and I’ll see Beau long distance.”
“If that’s what you want,” I say mildly, not wanting to influence her decision. “You need to do what will make you happy. Cedar Hill has a lot of negative emotions attached to it for both of us, but maybe Beau can turn that around for you. There’s no chance of that for me, and I’ll be happier in Old Harbor, even if Rick and I aren’t together anymore. Come on, let’s go back to Beau’s. I need to get on the road. Choices can be made and unmade. If you and Beau decide it’s not going to work, or you change your mind for another reason, just call. I’m always here for you, you know that.”
She stops me in the middle of the trail and hugs me with one arm, resting her head on my shoulder. “I love you, Devyn. I never want to let you down. When you didn’t come out of that rehab center, I was so scared. Beau helps, but you’re my family. I wish I could do something for Mom while I’m in the city.”
I want to yell, kick, and scream for her to stay as far away from Mom as possible, but how can I tell her that, when I’ve wished for it, too? Does she have a place to stay? Does she have food? I don’t know, and I’m scared of what I’ll find if I look.
“Sometimes, Talia, the best thing we can do is watch out for ourselves. You’re risking a lot staying here for Beau. You know that or you wouldn’t feel such apprehension about it. Beau’s penthouse is as far away from Mom than anywhere else you could be in Cedar Hill. Use that, stay on the right side of the tracks, and don’t court trouble. Let Beau court you instead and be thankful for small blessings. You managed to get off Sweet. She never will. Remember that.”
She nods and grips me again before releasing me.
Silently, we walk back to the car, and at Beau’s, I tell them goodbye.
“Be good to her.” I pull him in for a hug. “I’ll send her things when I can. Clothes, books, whatever else she needs, let me know.”
“I’ll take care of her, I promise.” He pulls away and holds my hand. “I’m sorry you and Rick didn’t work out. If there’s any good to come out of it, it’s that you proved nothing was his fault. He needed that. He needed that balm smoothed over his soul, and I think once it’s managed to soak in, he’ll come for you.”