Renata and I lingered after the breaking ground ceremony, kissing and fantasizing about our vow renewal, and after, when construction started, we dug our initials into the cement after the first blocks of the foundation were poured. I walk across what would have been the lobby and through part of the west wing. I know the exact place I’m looking for, and I kneel and brush away snow and dust. It’s still there, our initials centered in a large heart.
I had it all, and the accident snatched it away.
“Are you going to talk to her while you’re here?” he asks.
“Why? There’s nothing to say.”
“I would believe that, except you’re here, tearing up over evidence of a past you’re not going to get back. She’s gone, and you claim to love Devyn. Which is it?”
“Do you think it was meant to happen? The blizzard, her getting stranded with me? What would have happened if when I’d sent her away, she’d listened, or the snow wouldn’t have lasted, or—”
“It was meant to happen exactly the way it did. You and she lived in the same city for years, maybe all your lives, and never once,never once, did you bump into each other. She’s a reporter, was working for the biggest newspaper in Cedar Hill. She never once covered one of our projects, was never sent to interview you here. You never met her at a fundraiser, a concert, the zoo, the lighting of the Christmas tree in the Square. Tell me how that’s possible. You had no idea who she was when she knocked on your door in Old Harbor, yet you met her when you were available, when you were open to meeting someone, when you needed her. You tell me it wasn’t meant to be.”
His words threaten to knock me off my feet. “I didn’t realize you were such a romantic.”
“It’s not romance, it’s more than that, it’s...when you look into her eyes and there’s nothing left but her. I bet you know the moment when you looked into Devyn’s eyes and knew exactly what I’m talking about. Talia and Devyn, they have the same eyes, and from the second she and Devyn stepped into my office, I can’t think of anything else. She’s angry at me, and I don’t know what I did.”
I hold out a hand, and Beau hefts me to my feet. Getting onto the floor is always a gamble. I brush off my slacks. “If she was hit as hard as you were, it’s tough to process. Maybe she’s struggling with it. If she spends the night with you again, talk to her. You’re what? Fourteen, fifteen years older than she is? It might be a little much to wrap her head around.”
“Do you think she’s too young for me? I’ve been worried about that.”
“No, but with the way Devyn’s had to baby her the past few years, you don’t want to step in as her father. You need to keep her as an equal. That means talking to her and asking her what’s wrong.”
He nods and looks around. There’s not much left but a random plastic crate that shouldn’t have been here. He digs through it and pulls out a hammer. “Do something with that,” he says, pointing the silver head of the hammer toward the initials dredged into the concrete. “Take care of it, and when we get back to the office, ask Devyn to marry you.”
Beau slaps the head of the hammer into my palm and walks away, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, his head bowed.
I lower to my knees, reliving the afternoon. Renata hadn’t given me any indication, any hint or clue that her feelings for me were disappearing.
The ring on my hospital blanket sparkles, like the fading sun in the sky catching the dusting of snow.
I center all my grief, all my pain, into my arm, and my back is spasming by the time I’m done. Groaning, I slowly and awkwardly stand without having Beau’s help. I’m going to have to skip the hot sex tonight and ask Devyn to rub me down, or tomorrow I’ll need to find an open appointment with a masseuse. I’ve neglected my body for too long, paying more attention to my heart.
I chuck the hammer back into the box and limp through the lobby. Beau’s standing out of the wind, staring over the site, the boom still lying in the dirt.
“Talk to her,” I say, stepping to his side.
“I don’t want her to leave. Is it too much to ask when we’ve known each other for only a day?”
“I don’t know. I assumed Devyn would go back to Old Harbor with me, but they still have a house in Portland, all their things. I was thinking Devyn would move into the lighthouse and I’d build Talia an apartment over my office, but you want me here. I can’t ignore that, but unless Stevie leaves her alone, it’s not safe for Devyn to be in the city.”
“You haven’t talked to her.” It’s not a question.
“No.”
I’m too afraid of what she’ll say.
A shrill whistle sounds across the site, and Seville waves at us.
“What are you going to tell Devyn when Seville tells us he didn’t find anything?” Beau asks as we walk across the site to the crane.
“I don’t know how much more digging she can do to prove her theory. It was an accident, nothing more, nothing less. Tony didn’t have anything to tell her. They might drive back to Portland tomorrow.” I glance at him. “Go with them, take a break.”
He scoffs. “That would be a bit presumptuous.”
“Not if Talia wanted you to.”
“All day she’s barely let me touch her.”