I wanted to.
It would have made this easier.
And a lot harder.
I drive straight to the Pioneer’s offices.
The parking lot is almost empty, but I know what Walt drives, and he’s still here. Out of necessity, I lower myself to use the bathroom first, instead of waltzing into his office, saying my piece, and swiping everything off my desk in a fit of anger, but now I have time to think of what I need to say. I’m not going to shove my job at the Herald in his face, or that Barney cares more about taking risks and printing the truth than Walt ever has. Walt took a chance and gave me a job for the past two years. If he hadn’t done that, Barney might not have been so quick to take me on.
“Hey,” he says, sitting up, pushing aside a piece of paper he was reading. “How did it go? Did you get it?”
“Nope. He didn’t talk to me.” That much is true. He didn’t give me the interview. “I’m quitting before you can fire me. I’ll work something else out.”
Walt sighs and rubs his eyes. “I’m sorry, Devyn. I didn’t want it to be like this.”
“I understand. Push came to shove, and not all of us have integrity to spare. I’ve worked with plenty of dirty people through the years, your bosses will just join the list. No hard feelings. I appreciate all you did for Talia and me. You didn’t have to do the things you did for us, on a personal level, and it means a lot to me.” My thanks are sincere, and Walt can hear it.
He nods. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”
“You fought to hire me, and I hope I proved it was worth it.” I shift on my feet. There’s no point in dragging this out. “I’ll clean out my desk.”
“Check your email, too, and wrap up your business,” Walt says. “You won’t have access to anything come tomorrow.”
“Thanks for the reminder. Take care of yourself.”
“You, too, Devyn. You’re a helluva reporter.”
“Thanks.”
I sit at my desk, but I don’t have any attachment to it. I’ll miss some of the people I worked with, but they’d all remained somewhat aloof, like they were afraid to get too close to me. Walt would say they were intimidated, but I don’t think like that. Passion to tell the truth drives me, and if I’m a better reporter than others because of it, than I am. I care about making the world a better place, but that’s nothing to brag about. Everyone should feel that way.
After a few days offline, my inbox is full of article leads, answers to requests for interviews, city hall meeting times, and activities schedules. There’s also something from Rick, and my hand trembles against the mouse as I click and open the mail. Tears fill my eyes when I read what he’s done. He sent me an interview.
God.
He never said the words, but he does love me.
As much as I love him, or he never would have sacrificed his privacy.
Quickly, I skim his answers, but I don’t want to learn anything about him from a fake interview. I want him to tell me, while we’re taking walks, lying on the couch, after we’ve made love. I want to hear it all, from his lips fluttering against my ear.
I delete it.
Then I go into the trash and delete that, too.
I refresh my inbox ten times just to be sure it’s gone.
There are some things I print, and I empty my desk drawers. Everything I told Barney I had that’s up for grabs is on my personal laptop. I don’t want Walt accusing me of giving the Herald articles I’ve written on the Pioneer’s time.
Once my computer is wiped clean, papers are shredded, and the generic information like city hall meeting times are all that’s left for the next reporter who will sit at this desk, I nestle the few knickknacks I had sitting next to my computer into a small cardboard box.
This isn’t as bad as when I left the Times. Then, I was scared and humiliated. I mourned because I truly thought that would be my lifelong career. I thought I was on my way to the top, and I was devastated when Bill fired me.
Now, I walk out the Pioneer’s front doors without looking back. I have better things to look forward to.
Talia’s packing when I step into the little house I managed to find us to rent. Without a high-paying job and Talia’s rehab bill, I was turned down by several banks for a mortgage loan. Renting was a better option for us anyway, and all I have to do is email the property manager and give him the two months’ notice required to leave. The house has been fine, and the man in charge of maintenance is always prompt and friendly. I like having a yard compared to the apartment I lived in in Cedar Hill.
I wouldn’t mind another yard, but nothing will compare to Rick’s lakeside view.