“You might not have, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re right. Snooping fucked up my life, it fucked up Talia’s. I can’t take care of her the way I should be able to. She needs me, and I don’t even have a fucking job. It’s cool.”
I slip out of his room, blinking back tears.
“Devyn,” he calls after me, but I ignore him. Not to be petty or contrary, but I need a few minutes.
I put the laptop in my room and layer my cardigan over my pajamas. I climb the steps to the top hoping Rick doesn’t feel good enough to come after me. We’ll have tonight and a few hours in the morning, but the snow has almost stopped and the plows won’t wait until the weather is completely clear. There’s too much work to do.
While we were in bed, visibility improved, and I can see parts of the lake now, the angry pewter waves crashing against the brown, craggy rock. The wind hasn’t lessened, though there is a lot less snow flying past me than there was yesterday when I came up for privacy to talk to my sister. I walk in the circle, and the metal floor chills my feet. I stop and puzzle out the outline of Old Harbor.
When I first drove from Portland, I didn’t drive through town, instead taking my chances and coming straight here.
I’m falling in love with Rick Mercer, but I think, knowing what I know now, I would have stayed in town, been snowed in at the local motel instead.
I’m not ready for this.
Sitting cross-legged facing Harbor Lake, I call Talia, and she answers sounding breathless and happy.
“Hey, how are you?” she asks.
“I’m all right, not as good as you, it sounds. What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing. Walt called and invited me to dinner with him and his wife, so I’ll be doing that later. I’m drying some clothes and just finished vacuuming. I don’t want you to come home to a mess. Homework later, and after dinner at Walt’s, work asked me if I could close since the girl who was scheduled has the flu. I said sure, it’s only two hours and it’s nice they trust me to close up.”
Talia works at a women’s clothing store in the Portland Shopping Center, a tiny mall that houses only a handful of stores. They work with her schedule and her mental health, and she likes her boss. She doesn’t bring in much money, but it’s a positive experience for her and that’s what counts.
“That’s great. Sounds like you have a full evening planned.”
“Devyn, I know we haven’t been close and I haven’t lived with you long, but I know when you’re sad. What’s the matter?”
I pick at my cardigan. I have to tell her, but I don’t want her to worry about what it means. “I’m in love with him.”
She sighs. “I knew when I talked with you yesterday that would happen. You want to stay there, don’t you? I can figure something—”
“Don’t you dare! If that’s how you’re going to think, I shouldn’t have told you. That’snotwhere I was going with it at all.”
“It has to be because falling in love isn’t something to be sad about. I’m happy for you.”
“Don’t be so quick. He knows a little bit about you and what happened. He knows a lot about why we had to move to Portland, and that after the storm I need to go back. He’s hiding, but I don’t think he’s here to stay. He has a lot of unfinished business in Cedar Hill, and we can’t live there.”
“Yousaid we can’t live there, but if you’re saying that because of me—”
“I’m not. I’m saying that because of me, and you know it. I can’t get a job there, and Stevie won’t leave me alone.”
“Are you going to ask Rick for the interview? Does he feel the same way you feel about him? He’ll give it to you now, won’t he, if you explain that you need it to keep your job?”
I brighten, but then I let my shoulders fall. “He probably would, but I don’t want to use him that way, and he’s had it bad enough as it is. I’m not putting him through the attention it would drop on him. Anyway, the owners of the Pioneer would only pick on me for something else. It would delay the inevitable, that’s all.”
“So, what if Rick takes care of his business in Cedar Hill, and then you two figure out where to live?”
“You mean us three.”
She scoffs. “You’re not going to want me as an extra. Especially when you get married.”
I laugh. “Who said anything about getting married? He said he wants to date me and go to the movies.”
“All right, well, they say movies, sex, marriage, babies. You’re on the first step.”
“Actually, we did the sex part already,” I mumble, my cheeks heating.