Rick wraps his arm around my back and pulls me to his chest. He rests his chin on the top of my head and buries his hand in my hair, winding the strands around his fingers. “They let you go?”
“Yeah. Left me taped to the chair in her warehouse. It took me hours to loosen the tape enough to free myself. The first thing I did was wash my face in the first bathroom I found. Stevie called the Times personally and said if they didn’t fire me for harassing her, she’d stop advertising her stores in the paper. That was enough for them to cut me loose. People think I’m an idiot for accusing Stevie Johansson, upstanding citizen and business owner, of being the Sweet queenpin of the Upper Midwest. During that year, I talked to so many people, but nothing I heard was rock solid evidence. If I had a million dollars, I’d bet it all that she uses her shops to launder that drug money. Not one person will believe it.”
“How did you end up in Portland, then?”
I pull away and shove the remaining pillow into my lap. Distancing myself from him. “We should have left the Midwest altogether. It was stupid to stay in Minnesota, but Talia wants to stay in case she can help Mom somehow. I don’t know how she, we, can. Talia has enough on her plate with her own sobriety. Even after three years in rehab and three years living with me, every day is a challenge. Every day is a new day for her to slip up. A friend of a friend of a friend knew Walt and he took me on as a favor. Only my skill as an investigative reporter has saved me from getting fired from there, too. Now you know why the owners of the Pioneer hate me. They don’t want my stink on them, and I can’t blame them, really. After this blizzard blows out, I’m going back to Portland and I’m moving us somewhere far away from here. The farther she is from Cedar Hill, the better off we’ll be.”
“What about your mother?”
I feel guilty for being so callous, but I have no choice. “There’s no hope for her. It sounds heartless, but I’ve tried. She doesn’t want to clean up. She’s been arrested, put into drug rehab programs, but they’re never long enough. Talia neededthree years. They wanted to release her after four months. She begged them to let her stay and after she called me, finally ready to go home, she owed half a million dollars. I was able to sign her up for medical coverage through the state, but they back paid her bill only six months. That saved me a little bit, but...” I shrug. “I’d do it all over again. She goes to school now. She wants to be a therapist like the ones who helped her in rehab. She’ll make a good one, I think.”
“Devyn, I don’t know how to say this without making you upset. It’s not Stevie Johansson. I’ve worked with her. She’s opened shops on my properties. She sells her candy everywhere. SheisCedar Hill’s sweetheart. Everyone you spoke to lied to you.”
So much for keeping me safe. So much for believing me. It shouldn’t hurt so much, but it does. I’ve been on my own since Stevie called the Times. The only people who’ve shown any kindness toward me and Talia at all have been Walt and the people at Talia’s small university who don’t know who we are. Feigning nonchalance, I throw the pillow to him and roll off the bed to pick up the other. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, but it sure would have been nice to have someone in my corner for once.
“It’s over and done. I don’t care if you believe me or not. She can distribute Sweet all she wants. She’s ruined my mother’s life. She almost ruined Talia’s. I’m lucky she showed me a little mercy, or I’d be on the streets right now hooking like my mom. You know, when I was digging for evidence, anything I could bring to the cops, I’d see her standing on a corner, grooves dug into her face from her fingernails if she had to go too long without a hit. I’d get out of my car, give her a fifty. She’d see me, but she didn’t know who I was. You think I liked seeing my own mother on a corner, not having showered for God knows how long, and longer still since she’d had a decent meal? Talia would always ask me if I’d seen her, and I would always say no. She’d want to go look for her, and I can’t have my sister out there around that. I need to get some sleep. The weather app on my phone says it’s supposed to stop snowing soon. I’ll get out of your way the second I can.”
I turn out the lamp and crawl into bed. It’s big enough I don’t touch him when he doesn’t go.
After a moment’s hesitation, he lies next to me and pushes his arm under my pillow, spooning me.
I should kick him out, but it’s nice to have someone close. Talia and I share a bedroom, and sometimes when I wake up, she’s crawled into my bed like a child who doesn’t want to sleep alone. It’s difficult for me to be away from her, but I know it’s good for her, too. She can’t learn to stand on her own if I’m always propping her up. One day, she’ll want to go out on her own, and I’ll have to let her live her own life.
“Where did they threaten you?” Rick asks, his mouth close to my ear.
“They brought me to a warehouse on 120thAvenue and Pike.”
Rick stills. “That’s where Stevie stores her candy. That’s her distribution center.”
“Oh,” I say bitterly into the dark. “Did I forget to tell you that part? They thought they scared me enough I wouldn’t say anything, and they were right. Besides, I took a chance and looked around after I tore the tape loose. That’s not where they’re running the Sweet from, at least, not that I could tell. Later, just before the shit hit the fan, I asked a contact of mine on the police force to get his hands on the security footage around the warehouse. There’d been a power outage that night, at almost the exact same time I was there, and all the security cameras in that grid were down. I didn’t have any proof they’d taken me there, and after that, I swore I’d never look into Stevie Johansson again. And I haven’t.”
He nudges my shoulder, and I roll over onto my back. He’s still dressed in jeans and a shirt, socks on his feet. Without the light, I don’t understand his intention until his lips are on mine and he’s pulling me close.
I don’t have room in my life for this, yet I kiss him back, needing the comfort, his hand once again splayed under my back, his touch soothing. I pull him closer, and he slips his tongue into my mouth, lazy licks that stir something deep in my belly I haven’t felt for a long time.
Framing his face in my hands, his scar is a bumpy ridge under my fingers.
He leans away just as I think he’s going to take it further. I would, if he wanted to. Kissing me on the forehead, he mumbles, “Get some sleep.”
“Are you sleeping here?”
“If I told you I wanted to, would you let me?” he asks, pulling the comforter to my chin.
“If I said yes, would you get undressed? Your jeans feel uncomfortable.”
“If I get undressed, would you feel safe with me in your bed?”
I laugh a little, the last of the nightmare fading. “Yeah, I would.” He’s been a perfect gentleman since the second he pushed me into the lighthouse offering me shelter in the storm. He might not believe me and that might hurt my feelings, but that’s the only way he’ll hurt me.
“Okay.” He rolls off the bed and pulls his sweatshirt over his head. I hear him push his jeans to the floor, and the air moves around his body as he balances on one foot then the other to pull off his socks.
I have no idea what he’s wearing under his jeans, and as he molds himself to me under the comforter, I pat his hip and discover the soft cotton of boxer briefs.
“Still good?” he asks.
“It’s perfect.”