“Where is everyone else?”
“The vending machines, I think. I came straight out here.”
I cuddled into his side, laying my head on his chest and encircling his torso with my arms. It was the first time today I felt any sense of rightness.
“What are you drawing?” He tilted his head to look at my open book.
“Nothing. Just crap.” I’d been drawing whatever came to my mind, which in this case was stars and shooting spaceships.
“Your crap is really good.”
I shook my head.
“Oh! I forgot! How did your interview go? Did she ask hard, unexpected questions?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Not even with me?”
“Let’s just say it ended with me basically telling her that if I had balls, she would let me in her school.”
Skyler’s eyes widened. “Was that on your flash cards?”
I laughed and then groaned. “I thought I was this strong female gamer, ready to change the world. But she was right. I’m not. I’m a person who can’t even be myself around half my friends. How do I expect to stand up for myself to people who won’t want me there?”
“You just told the dean of admissions that she was being sexist and you’re saying you don’t know how to stand up for yourself?” he asked. “Sounds like the opposite to me.”
“But before that,” I said. “I was unsure, trying to say the right things.”
“Understandably. But it sounds like you showed your trueself by the end, the one you try to filter more than you should.”
I shook my head. “I shouldn’t be thinking about all this with your mom and stuff.”
“How could you not be thinking about it? You’ve been preparing for this for months. You’re allowed to be upset.”
He wouldn’t be saying that if he knew what was reallyhappening with his mom. This thought made me sad. “I’m sorry we kissed when you have to leave again.”
“You are?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Norah,” he said. “I know this next year is going to be hard. But I hope you aren’t sorry we kissed.”
“It’s going to be harder than you even know,” I said.
“And if we hadn’t kissed it would be easier?”
“I don’t know.” I was feeling restless, sad, and uncertain all at the same time. “Let’s read the notebook.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded.
He went to my bunk and retrieved the book. He flipped through it as he took his seat next to me again. “It’s your entry.”
“Will you read it?” I asked.
“Sure.” He held the book up close to his face. “People think I’m weird. I know they do. But I’ve decided that creative people have to be. Otherwise how are they going to think about the same things differently than everyone else. Or create things that the rest of the world hasn’t already created?”