BEAU
Iwas doing mental gymnastics for a hot minute trying to figure out whether or not I should tell Cecilia about my prior relationship with her mother. But I know that the more I get to know her, the more I’m going to like her. If I stand any chance of making this work, it’s going in with the truth being on the table from the start.
“There’s no way you dated Penelope Hughes.” Cecilia stands up and her thighs bump into the table, sending the glass of tea toppling over. What’s left splashes onto my pants, effectively killing whatever boner I might have had.
I match Cecilia’s motions for what it’s worth, wiping off my wet trousers in the process. “You could at least apologize for your abrupt behavior.”
Cecilia snorts and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’ll have them dry cleaned if you’re so pressed about your pants. Take it back.”
When I look up to chastise her for being cruel, I can see a hurt look in her eyes. I’m not sure what from though. I stop swiping at my wet pants and place my hands on the table instead. “Cecilia, I know we don’t know one another well, but I’m telling you this because I wanted to be honest from the start. I met your mother in high school and the two of us had a very serious relationship. She chose the lifestyle she currently has over me though. Despite what I wanted for the two of us, she preferred money. I am not still in love with your mother. I am not here out of some desperate attempt to win her back. I’m here because she asked me to do her a favor and out of the love Ioncehad for her, I said I’d do it, but I warned her of the consequences.”
A series of different emotions cross Cecilia’s face, all wearing individually on her beautiful features for only a few seconds before passing to the next. Eventually, it seems like almost too much for her to bear. Her jaw drops open and I see her take several deep, heaving breaths. “You loved my mother?”
Many years ago, yes. “It’s complicated.”
Cecilia takes a step away from the table and towards the pool. “Do you love what she’s become?”
Can I say ‘it’s complicated’ again? “The closer we got to high school graduation, the more difficult things became between your mother and me. I was the person she experimented with, but she didn’t want someone like me long-term. She wanted stability, Cecilia. I was poor. The only stability I could provide was a stable loving home, not a stable paycheck.”
“My mother didn’t want love?” Another step towards the pool. She needs at least two dozen more before she reaches the pool deck and another half a dozen after that before her toes touch the water.
Once upon a time, I would have followed Penelope Hughes to the ends of the Earth. Now here I am doing the same thing for her daughter, a girl I’m slowly getting to know and like more and more. “Your mother had specific needs and I couldn’t fulfill them. While I could give her love, that wasn’t all that she wanted. Penelope has always wanted love, but it was love with a caveat.”
This time she doesn’t stop at one step. Cecilia looks longingly at the water and starts walking towards it. There’s a light breeze this evening and it blows her hair backward. With each step that she takes, she unbuttons a button on her shirt. “Do you think she loves with a caveat? If you’re not perfect, she can’t love you?” The pain in her voice is evident, it is clear as day, and it breaks my heart for her.
When Penelope showed up at the bar, I thought of her as the one that got away. I remembered in painful detail how she pushed me away all those years ago and broke my heart. But Cecilia makes a good point. Penelope loves and accepts love with caveats. I always thought that I wasn’t good enough because of my wealth, or lack thereof. I never realized that she wouldn’t allow herself to love me fully because I wasn’t perfect in her eyes. I start to follow Cecilia to the water’s edge.
She allows her shirt to drop to the floor, exposing her overflowing bra. “We’re the discarded loves of Penelope’s life. You know that, right? Her imperfect lover and her imperfect daughter.”
I look at my rippling reflection standing next to Cecilia’s and realize with perfect clarity that she’s right. I was good enough for Penelope to request my services. I was good enough for Penelope to beg me not to fall in love with her daughter. But I wasn’t good enough for Penelope to love me. I wasn’t good enough for Penelope to marry me.
I grab the opening of my shirt and yank it apart. Buttons fly in all directions as I pull it off. “Tell me something about you that nobody knows.”
Cecilia reaches behind her to unzip her skirt. “I’m happiest when I’m baking. I love making desserts.”
I carefully unbuckle the belt around my waist and toss it behind me. It clatters against the cement, the opening soundtrack of the first time we make love. “I once gave my cousin part of my kidney after he spent thirty years ruining his with alcohol.”
Her skirt falls to the ground. “I always wanted to own a pet, but my mom said they were dirty and disgusting.”
I step out of my jeans and kick them to the side so they don’t get any wetter than they already are. “I spent an entire year in my twenties making gourmet grilled cheese and to this day it is still my favorite food.”
Cecilia’s bra is next. When she unhooks it and pulls it off, I can’t stop myself from staring. She is gorgeous. The outline of her curves will be imprinted in my brain for the rest of my life. “I’m a virgin.”
Holy hell. So will those words. “Cecilia,” I start softly.
She hooks her fingers into the waistband of her panties and slides them down her thighs. Her eyes look off into the distance at the fading, orange ball. “I’m not doing this to get back at my mother, don’t worry. You’re not some revenge scheme. You’re the first person who’s ever listened to me, who’s ever talked to me like I was a person and not the culmination of all my mother’s riches.”
Even as I take off my underwear, I hate myself for what I’m doing. “That’s not a good reason to sleep with someone.”
“No, it’s not,” she says with a tight little smile. “But what you did to me the other day really,reallyturned me on.”
That’s all I need to hear to get my erection standing tall. The thoughts of Penelope disappear. Cecilia’s virginity is a long-forgotten memory. All I can think about is that this woman said she was turned on by being spanked by me the other day. “Would you let me do it again?”
She slyly turns her head in my direction and a smile graces her lips. “Only if you did it harder.”
Before I have a chance to respond, Cecilia dives gracefully into the water. This is my chance. This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
I follow headfirst.