21
Skye
Ican’t stop thinking about what happened between us yesterday. My mind wraps around the memory and tortures me with it. Instead of hurting me, it makes me want more.
I can’t stop thinking about his touch. Gentle and driven with apprehension. So afraid to break me. His touch is the opposite of the touches I remember. Well, what I can remember. I only see flashes of rough hands and sense the fingers digging into my thighs. I replace those memories with the life Kevin breathes into me with every kiss or touch. He doesn’t realize it, but he’s reviving me, pulling me from the edge of death and destruction and wrapping me up in his strong embrace. I’m safe there. Not even the razor’s sharp metal can comfort me the way he does.
Fuck, is this what love is? I don’t think I’ve ever felt love.
Kevin comes into the bedroom, his face pale.
“You okay?”
He doesn’t respond. He lies down in bed and pulls me into his chest. The warm wetness of a tear hits the top of my head.
“Kevin?” I look up at him and meet his gaze.
His eyes are glassy, but he coughs back the tears. “It’s nothing,” he says with a shaky voice.
“Please stop pushing me out,” I plead.
His warm hand brushes the hair from my cheek. “I just don’t know what to do with you. This blurs the lines for us, just as I worried it would. I want to take the pain from you and swallow it all, but I can’t take on more hurt without destroying myself.”
“Don’t take on my pain. This pain is mine to bear, not yours. I don’t need you to take away all that I feel or remember. I just need you to tuck it aside and fill the parts that have been taken from me.”
“What do you want?”
“I want—” I hide my face in my hands, my cheeks flushing with heat. “I want you to make love to me.”
Kevin pulls my hands from my face and lifts my chin.
“I know, I know. You don’t want to.”
He rolls me onto my back and crawls between my legs. His warm body presses me into the bed. He brushes my hair with his hand and laces his fingers into it. “I want that more than anything. I want to show you how much I want it. But everything inside me says not to. Well, almost everything.”
I slip my hand between us and work the button of his jeans.
“Skye.”
“Please,” I beg.
“Fine, but we're going to do it right or we're not going to do it at all. I need you to promise me you’ll stop me if you feel uncomfortable, and I’ll promise you I won’t be upset.”
I nod and bite my lip.
He crawls out of bed and offers me his hand. He helps me to my feet and kisses me. His lips trail down my neck as his hands drop to my waist. He tries to lift my shirt, but I stop him. I’m not ready for that vulnerability yet. My refusal doesn’t stop his hunger for me. He traces his hands down my body and hooks them into the waistband of my pants. Goosebumps rise on my skin as he lowers the fabric. I step out of them, along with my panties. He works his pants down, kissing me as he drops them and steps out of them.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yes. I’m more than okay.”
He nods and picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He lays me on the bed, and his warmth presses against my lower belly. His fingers slip inside me, and he works them into me until I feel myself stretch around him. I moan against his neck.
“I have to work you up for this,” he says with a nervous smile as he wraps his hand around himself. “Logistically speaking, I’m not sure how this is going to feel for you.”
I hate to admit it, but I kind of agree. He’s so big. Too big?
My cheeks flush as he presses the head of his cock against me.
“Are you sure?” he asks. He draws me up to him so he can kiss me.
I nod and wrap my arms around his neck. I gasp as he presses himself into me. He’s cautious, giving me a moment to adjust to him before pushing further inside me.
He groans against me. “Oh god, Skye.”
No matter how slow he goes, he still feels like he’s ripping me in two. I strain to accommodate his size.
“You okay?” He pulls my face away from his chest and looks into my eyes.
I nod, giving him a small smile. “It just hurts a little.”
He raises his body. “Do you want me to stop?”
I shake my head. He hesitates for a moment before pulling back and thrusting his hips forward again. Even though he can't push all the way inside me, I can’t feel any fuller.
“You feel amazing.”
“I wish I could say the same,” I say with a nervous laugh.
“Oh, it will.” He gives me a flirty smile and kisses me. “If you want, we can stop for now. I promise I’ll let us try again.”
Part of me wants him to stop. To pull out of me. The other part of me embraces the pain from him, and that feels incredible. It's like the sting from the razor against my skin, drawing blood to soothe my mind. I can see myself getting more addicted to this, and I’m okay with it.
Kevin sits up so he can rub me while he thrusts. I arch my back as pleasure wraps around the pain and nurtures it. It puts the discomfort to bed before coming out to play. I dig my nails into his sides as his hand glides against me. He must have felt me relax around him, because he hastens his movements a bit. He withdraws, and I follow him with my hips, wanting more.
“Look at me,” he whispers.