“I’m done with this place. I’m done with all of you. The last thing I want is to spend another minute in that house. Or in my own, for that matter.” He goes to the back of the boat and hangs over the edge, trailing his arm into the water.
I look at Chase. “Will you talk to him, please?”
He shrugs uncomfortably. “I don’t think anything good is going to come out of talking right now.” The wind dies a little, and he spins the steering wheel. “Mila, can you take in that line?”
She tugs at the ratchet and succeeds in tightening the sail a little, but not enough. I look up. The telltale has fallen flat. The night air feels misty and heavy, windless. We rock back and forth, drifting a little, but not really catching any wind. There isn’t any to catch. I sigh and bump Mila aside with my hip, straining to tighten the sail as far as I can, but it doesn’t help.
“Drop anchor.” I let the sail down. “Ryan, get your hand out of the water. Everyone, arms and legs inside the boat.”
“Come on,” Ryan groans.
“There’s no wind. We have to wait it out. Probably just a few minutes. Let Mila look at her freaking stars.” I flop down next to him as Mila and Chase snuggle close to each other at the bow of the ship. “Tell me something, Ryan.”
“What’s that?”
“What’s so horrible that you need to get away from?”
He looks down at the water. “Nothing. I’m not running.”
“I never used the wordrunning.” I pause. “I know this has been a shitty year. I’m really sorry, Ryan.”
“I bet.” He shifts so that his face is in profile. “Some people think they’re entitled to everything, don’t they?”
“Like who?”
Ryan shrugs, gazing up at the stars. “Off the top of my head? Chase for one.”
“He’s earned all of it.”
“Has he? He was born athletic, I guess, but he also had years of lacrosse camp. He studies, but he also has expensive tutors. Are those things you can really earn, Kennedy? Or do your parents give them to you?”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “I guess it’s not necessarily earned.”
He glances at me, and I feel the accusation in his eyes cutting right down to my core. “What about people? How do you earn people, Kennedy?”
I rest my head on my hand and study his face. I’ve never paid enough attention to Ryan. He fades into the background too easily. His laid-back posture, his mild expressions, his soft voice. But he’s not mild. He’s sharp and bitter and angry. “Youcan’t earn people. People like Chase because he’s authentic. Friendly and funny. He’s a people person.”
“No. He’s charismatic. He can be friendly. He can also be manipulative. Just like you, Kennedy.”
“Well, you can be passive-aggressive and sulky and scary, Ryan. I think that can turn people off.”
He smiles. “I guess it would. The nice guys never get the girl.”
I laugh in disbelief. “Are you the nice guy?”
“I think so.”
“Well, I would disagree with you. I think you’ve been a dick today.”
He looks me in the eye. “Why shouldn’t I be? Why should I continue to be a doormat?”
There’s a sudden bang and I turn, startled. Chase and Mila have disappeared. I dash across the deck, heart pounding, before realizing they’ve locked themselves below in the cabin. I kick the door, then sit behind the steering wheel and turn it absently. “You’re not a doormat. You’re just self-centered. You can’t expect someone to love you just because you have feelings for them. That’s not how it works, and it doesn’t make you a nice guy. I know life feels unfair and it seems like some people get all the wins, but there’s no such thing as deserving a person. And you can’t take it out on Chelsea, because she cares about you. Way too much.”
He whips his head up suddenly. “Why? What did she tell you?”
“Nothing.”
Ryan stands, a silhouette against the moon. “Then ask me.”