Dog remembered it like it was yesterday. They’d loved each other so much. In the early days when everything was good, Dog never imagined anything could come between them. That was before Mary had her first miscarriage, and then her second, and a third.
With each one, he felt her pull away, drifting away to a dark place where he couldn’t reach her no matter how much he tried. And then the guilt settled deep inside him. Red Dog was a big man. Six four in height. While Mary was as petite as they came. And the thought gnawed at his gut that he was to blame, that she was just too small to carry the child of a big man like him. No matter how much the doctors reassured him that it had nothing to do with that, he still couldn’t let that thought go. It nagged at his brain.
And he feared that perhaps she felt guilt, too. Guilt that she couldn’t carry the babies, guilt that she couldn’t give him all the children they’d both dreamed about and talked about in the early days, lying snuggled together in bed late at night.
Somehow, they’d moved past it and eventually had their son, Billy. And they were happy, so happy. And for years they hadn’t tried again, believing that the child that God had given them would be enough.
Until one summer several years ago when that all changed. Mary had gotten pregnant again. Only this time she hadn’t told him. He’d gone out of town for Sturgis that year, and she’d had another miscarriage. But this time he wasn’t there for her. He knew nothing of the hell she was going through alone.
She had never told him of the pregnancy or the miscarriage.
And then when he returned, she began to push him away, and they grew more and more distant from each other. Red Dog had no idea why or what he had done. And so, as weeks turned into months, his frustration had grown. Mary seemed to grow colder and more indifferent to him with each passing day, until eventually he’d turned and sought out comfort with one of the women who hung around the club, a woman who had meant nothing to him. It had been wrong to do, and he knew it.
It wasn’t until after Mary found out about it and confronted him, that she finally confessed that she’d had another miscarriage, and that it was the reason she’d pushed him away and put up a wall between them.
He’d been devastated, filled with remorse and regret and crushed by guilt. Not only for not being there for her and not going through it with her, but also for letting her push him away without a fight, for not
forcing her to tell him what was wrong between them.
It had taken them a lot of work to rebuild what they’d lost, but they had. They’d come so far.
So how could she throw it all away?
And how could he ever live without her?
Suddenly, he felt the blood drain from his face. Oh, God. Was it possible she’d had another miscarriage? Jesus Christ, he had to find her.
He surged to his feet. “I’ve got to go look for her.”
“Yeah, but where?” Cole asked him.
“I don’t know, but I’ve got to find her.”
Cole grabbed his shoulder. “All right. We’ll find her, Dog. I promise. If we have to get everybody out lookin’—”
They were interrupted by Red Dog’s ringtone. He yanked it out of his pocket, praying it was Mary. Glancing down at the screen, he saw it was Crash.
He put him on speaker. “Yeah?”
“What the hell did you do? It’s Saturday morning, which means I should be in bed with my wife’s legs wrapped around me. Instead, I’m up making my own damn coffee, while your wife is upstairs complaining to mine about you. So again, I ask, what the hell did you do?”
Dog felt relief surge through him. “I’ll be right over. Don’t let her leave.” He jammed his phone in his pocket and headed for his bike.
“Let’s roll, boys,” Cole ordered.
“You don’t have to come along. Think I can take it from here,” Red Dog said as he strapped on his helmet.
Cole chuckled. “And miss seeing you grovel? No way in hell.”
Red Dog rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”
“That’s what brothers are for, Dog. Always here to laugh and point when you’re getting your nose rubbed in it.”
“Fucking hell. Then, let’s go.”
The four bikes roared off down the street, headed toward Oakland.
CHAPTER SIX